Blame. It’s always flying around somewhere, but it’s getting harder and harder these days to make it stick. I’d hate to be that poor idiot who’s blamed for the Cubs losing. One moment of poor judgment- a lifetime of death threats. And these bears- when will they stop blaming someone else for their addictions? Anyway, in today’s collection we have animal intoxication, television dependency and the BIG ONE- the news BOMBSHELL- no blame needed cause it’s a stinkin’ miracle- THE SIXTEEN CANDLES SEQUEL!!!! oh yeah. Of course if it stinks someone will hang.

• Fan Foils Cubs Victory, Gets Death Threats

• Hunters Blamed for Bears’ Candy Addiction
• Police Nab Vicious Crow by Getting It Drunk
• Latest Captain Ribman- Hilarious
• “Sixteen Candles,” 16 Years Later

And for good measure…

• Mother Teresa, the Musical

• (After Police Search) Missing Boy Found in Bedroom

In case you missed World Championship Outhouse Races, read all about it. Methinks next year I’ll have to enter…

That’s right. Last night my wife and my friends threw me the best birthday party ever. Heidi orchestrated it all, and then got out of there as fast as she could. Why, you ask? Because it was Man-Night. The first in what I’m sure will become a wonderful tradition. First we grilled. Prolly about 100 pounds or so of pure, dead cow. Then, with the smell of seared bovine and malted hops still thick in the air, we sat down to watch a gratuitously bloody western, The Wild Bunch.

Yes, my friends, it was a magic evening. Good friends, good meat, good beer, and a whole mess of killing on DVD. I also got some killer gifts: a toolbox full of goodies for my collection of tools, a Pearljam vinyl, and the ultimate- a Dremel. It doesn’t get any better- I have the best wife and the best buds. Of course it can only happen once a month since I’ve now got enough beef lodged in my colon I’ll have to leave it in my will.

It’s been a while since we had some really meaty bizzaro news at EDANDHEIDI, so I’ve pulled together some choice cuts for you to sink your teeth into this weekend. A bit of caution, though. While a few of these may bring you to tears, they’re the kind of thing you laugh at but then feel guilty about laughing and everyone casts judgment on you. “Ha HA ha heh heh… heh… um, I mean gosh that’s sad.” But if no one’s there you can keep going- it’s good for you.

• Man beats drug dealer with his son’s wooden leg. OMG this is classic.

• Gunman’s Mom Wants Worker Compensation. “Because it happened at work…”
• Backfire Ignites Dog, Dog Sets Grass Fire Vroom, Boom, Woof, Whoosh.
• Club Fatty- The first resort to capitalize on obesity Yes Sir, we do have a mayonnaise dispenser in every room. Why do you ask?
• Ghettopoly: Finally, you can get your neighborhood all hooked on crack (Christmas gift hint)

Enjoy the weekend.

Hmmm. A&E announced they are making a movie about Arnold Schwarzenegger’s succesful gubernatorial bid entitled “See Arnold Run.” Not so strange. Their wishlist of actors to portray him, however, includes Dennis Quaid, Viggo Mortensen, Willem Dafoe and Billy Campbell. Hmmm.

Coincidentally, the movie about Me is also being filmed soon. Potential actors to portray me are: The Rock, the guy who plays Gollum in LOTR, and Tae Bo legend Billy Blanks. Bruce Campbell said he had way too much going on.

O.K. so MTV being the anti-christ may be old news. But, equally as old and a heck of a lot funnier is this: David Hasselhoff is also the Antichrist! Check it out here (click link). If you need more proof, go here. Thanks, Jason.

There, I said it. I remember the birth of MTV, in all it’s glory. We sat wide-eyed as the rocket took off and the guitar wailed in the background. This was our channel, playing our music- so forget the man- he could never understand this- let him watch sixty minutes! But little did we know- we were all fooled. MTV is the pet of the man.

Remember when bands had loyal followings? When you couldn’t wait for your favorite band to play a show in your area? The band was yours- and you liked them because they were talented, worked hard, and built a fanbase. Now, bands pop up for a second all over the place and then they are gone. MTV made Limp Bizkit possible and for that I will never forgive them. It was because of them that Ozzie Osborne was nominated parent of the year and the Newlyweds is considered entertainment. They tell us what quality music is, and most of us swallow it whole, with our only criteria being, “was it on TRL?”

Now it’s not MTV’s fault really. They are merely a tool of the man, made to sell records- and they have become marvelously efficient at that. Not to mention- they couldn’t sell the records and play the shows if it weren’t for the brainwashed masses who herd into the stores to buy the latest from Avril Lavigne. But like most everything else market driven, they have sacrificed the future for present profits. SO I wonder- what will dethrone the MTVerse? What glorious savior will enter into the horizon to usher the people back to real, true musical culture? Oh- wait! There IS an answer! A real, honest music station, MTV2!

Fall has to be the best time of the year- no doubt. I love it. There’s apple cider, orange leaves, candy corn, my birthday and of course- Halloween. The weather is such a refreshing change- briskness. I wish it could be 70 degrees all year long- with out all the southern Californians (No really, I love you guys). And you’ve just gotta love all the cool stiz-nuff you can do with pumpkins. Last year I went for the puking pumpkin featured at the left, but I think this year I’m gonna try for some inspiration from this site (click the link). I was going to do a bullet-to-the-head pumpkin, but since that’s already been done I’m going to prolly have to come up w/something new… I’m thinking something Calvin & Hobbes-esque with a few pumpkins… What would you do?

Movie: School of Rock
Genres: Comedy, Coming of Age, Prison Drama, Tenacious D Fix
Rating: 3.9 Short Busses out of 5

This is not the greatest movie in the world… it is only a tribute. For fans of Jack Black, I am proud to say he has carried a feature film that doesn’t suck- you may now rejoice. SOR never hit the high note of comedy, nothing squirted from my nose whilst laughing, but it stayed at a quality level and that’s all you can really ask nowadays. JB has paid his dues doing small parts in movies like Cable Guy and The Jackal for years, so it was great to see him land something good where he was the star. Anyone remember the X-Files he was in? He got blasted my his best friend who shot lightning- it was good stuff.

• Yahoo Synopsis

• Oficial SOR Site

Wondering what to get me for my (two days ago) birthday? You could try one of these. Of course, it make take a little saving up. You know me though, I’d probably just play with it a few times and get bored.

I am 27 years old today. Wow. School has been kicking my bootay, so the majority of today will be spent stressing over and slaving over my classes. That’s cool tho- Heidi came and brought me lunch and a present. That makes it all better. Regular posts will resume tomorrow.