Dang. It seems that I have a knack for ticking off the oddest people. You may notice that Maurice Gibb is kicking some major butt in the “Dead Celeb” poll. You may also take note that it’s not representitive of the opinion of the world at large. It’s the result of a MAD BEE GEE FAN ATTACK. This may happen to you- so pay attentention here, people. They also decided to go hog wild on my comments from some way back post (which had nothing to do with the poll- please people, read the directions in the comments). So how did so many Maurice Gib fans find ther way to my site? My guess is through this email list. Oh well. I can only imagine how hard core the John Denver fans must be.

And all I can say is:

1. I am so glad to be home

2. Ice Cube’s Momma didnt raise no fool
3. Look for a couple of changes to the site early 2004
4. There is no reason I should have made it thru finals
5. I’m real sorry for not posting

I love family, and Heidi’s family was a blast. Endless amounts of material for future postings. A household of mostly women is louder than a Nascar race- that is now confirmed. Flew with Ice Cube and a whole gaggle of rappers out of Albuquerque today- and no, I have no great stories about me and Cube chumming it up over the old days growing up in Compton, riding big-wheels and making crank calls to old man Flannagan. There weren’t any two seats open near him and I wasn’t about to split up from the wifey- not for Cube or anyone.

But, it does tell us that Mr. Cube isn’t wastin’ his bling on first class luxury airlines- he was flying Southwest. Good choice, Cubert. BTW, I somehow scored a B and a B+ in my MBA classes this semester- I have no idea how, so don’t ask me. This was my worst semester ever since I started college way back in Nineteen ought something or other. Anyway, we’re real broken up over letting our readers down over the holidays. I was planning on coming up with this great story about how my plan to post was foiled by Crazed-Atkins-Dieting-PBS-Pirating-Uber-TeleMarketers, but I decided this post was far too long with very little substance already.

In Addition, any suggestions on how we can improve the site?

We’re on vacation until the 30th, and it’s hard to get to a computer. Enjoy the holidays.

(An exerpt from an internal dialogue from earlier today)

EGO: That’s my man.

Dean gets on my nerves. If he gets on yours too, you’ll like this comic. If he doesn’t, then maybe you’ll like all the colors.

Want to learn? No, I didn’t think so. Want to learn the (somewhat embellished) history of the Mammoth set to a cheesy song in Spanish, with a pretty nifty animation? Yeah- I knew it. Just click here.

A big shout-out to Breen for this.

I just couldn’t resist. click on the pic to enlarge.

If you simply need more on the theme, here’s one someone else did.

One of my life’s goals is to create one of those pics that circulate (domo-kun) around the (domo-kun) internet until you’re sick (domo-kun) of them. Reach the stars, I always say. So yesterday I made that Saddam/Jacco pic and sent it around. Whoa. Dave barry linked it and the guys at b3ta dug it too. Me so happy. Hmmm, somebody oughta do a Saddam/Domo-kun… If only i didn’t have finals today.

Spanking, er, speaking of finals, they’re really doing a number on me. I have a huge one tonite and have to turn in a big old project too. Wish me luck. Also, given that our readership has skyrocketed to, say, seven-TEEN people, the pressure’s on to write some quality funny. Gimme a minute to come up with something.

As in Saddam’s vacation plans. Looking for news on the capture, go here.

Authorities were rather surprised, though, by his drastically altered appearance.

Since I have almost no time, and since Yahoo gives us unlimited space on their server, AND since you can order prints directly from the Yahoo photos page, I gave up the idea of ever fixing our old photo gallery. You should have no problem seeing, downloading or ordering photos from EDANDHEIDI.com any longer. Enjoy. (go ahead, give it a whirl)

I’m studying accounting all day today, but that doesn’t mean you have to suffer. I’ve reached into the never-ending bag of cool websites and pulled out FOUR SITES ALL DEVOTED TO FARTS. (I hold up flatulence as the one-and-only eternally renewable resource of funny in the universe) Hold the applause, I’m studying.

• Facts on Farts Learn about yourself, and the farts around you.

• Mr. Methane the Performing Flatulist I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.
• The Fart-O-Matic 5000 Purely for research purposes, re-create classic farts, or design exciting new toots that challenge the status quo.
• Farting Dog Harmonics Compose your own dog fart music- FOR FREE!!!

WOHOO! My geekiness knows no bounds. Yesterday I received MY COOL WEBSITE T-SHIRTS. I gots me a WorldRPS shirt that looks PHAT. Second, I got a shirt from my pal Mr. Jerz’s site to represent a fellow Reno blogger. Das right, yo- Edandheidi.com: showing support for the web community. Next geeky purchase is gonna be a fresh WWDN shirt. can you tell I’ve been getting rid of all the free credit card tshirts I racked up in college?

Here’s a little tool for all you bloggers out there with writer’s block. Found it over at warped thoughts.

I was looking at info on this “Hate Bush” meeting held a week ago, and it seems to crystallize a few trends I’ve noticed:

1. People often confuse Liberalism w/Intellectualism. “Hey look at me- I’m smart cause I hate President Bush.”
2. What people assume to be “liberal” thinking is often extremely oppressive. “What!?!?!? You mean your pro-life?!?!?! What kind of monster are you!?!?!”

Now, let me make a couple things clear: I do not consider myself a staunch conservative. I also refrain from aligning myself blindly with any one political stance. I just have an eye for stupid, and when it rears its head I like to point it out. I also have nothing against a good protest. Anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that protesting is a talent I was born with. What I don’t respect is the whole “let’s always poke fun at the right” bandwagon. It’s not genuine.

So I was thinking, why is it that Hollywood loves to play “political rally” so much? I get this picture of Tim Robbins, Danny Glover, Janeane Garofalo and Al Franken holding hands and doing a march on Detroit to end SUV production. Behind them, all the Seattle WTO protestors are trying desperately to get arrested in front of photographers. Why do they do it? Is it because they know that today’s youth will follow them anywhere to seem intellectual? Is it b/c they need to bring meaning to their lives?

Personally, I think that Washington brought it on themselves, way back with the whole Red Scare/Blacklist deal. Either way, you can bet this whole Liberal = Intellectual thing is gonna fuel more posts here than the Chihuahuas.

I’ve been watching those shows on how stinking rich celebrities live. It can be torture, but still I watch it- it’s part of my TV slumming. You know the deal; They’ve got all these gossip columnists going “Oh yeah, it’s nuthin for P.Diddy to blow a cool 70 grand to buy his entourage matching platinum diamond encrusted gangta sean-john toothpicks. Nuthin. Then he goes and swims in a pool filled with Cristal and towels off with hundred dollar bills.” (BTW, anyone against me going by E.Diddy?)

Anywho, I’m wondering why we watch stuff like Rich Girls or It’s Good to Be, etc. It’s a bit depressing to see these people rolling in such absurd amounts of dough when I’m sitting in pants I got at a yard sale, eating Mac-&-Cheese with hot sauce. Especially when you see the really dumb (“I have absolutely no marketable skills but I’m rich and famous so HA”) ones who couldn’t figure out an ATM without six personal assistants. So why do we watch? Is it b/c we like to torture ourselves seeing more bling than we’ll ever get our hands on? Is it that validation we get when we see that if we had grown up with that much cash we could also be that, um, challenged? Or is it that by watching that stuff we get that “hey, maybe I could get that kind of money some day” feeling? WHAT IS IT?!?!?!

ADKINS UPDATE: WE WILL BE IN NEW MEXICO FOR CHRISTMAS, DEC 20-28.

That’s right. The Adkins world tour will be making a stop in NM, spending a few days in Albuquerque to visit friends, sign books, accept the key to the city and perform a few miracles. After which our entourage will escort us via private jet to Roswell to visit Heidi’s folks. Reservations are currently being accepted for time with the Adkins, at a mere 50 bucks an hour ($5 will go to charity). Sign up today.

SMARMY
PRONUNCIATION: AUDIO: smärm
ADJECTIVE: Inflected forms: smarm·i·er, smarm·i·est

ETYMOLOGY: From smarm, to smear.
OTHER FORMS: smarm·i·ness —NOUN
SYNONYMS: fulsome, oily, oleaginous, sleek, unctuous.

Work out your holiday aggression on this: Santa Toss. No directions, tho, so you have to figure it out. I believe in you. My best distance so far- 350.4.
(more…)

…don’t do it this way:

So, this old guy is at home watching Death Wish. (mad, sick, crazy foreshadowing going on here, folks.) As these things happen, a thief waltzes in and grabs said old guy’s wife, holding some garden shears TO HER THROAT. Does the old guy freak out? NO! He’s like, “OMG this is SO AWESOME! Not only am I watching the most KICK BUTT vigilante on TV but now I get to TOTALLY WAIL ON THIS IDIOT.” Or something like that. I’m sure he was so pumped- He’s all, “So there, sonny, you think an old man could go get his wallet? heh heh heh (wheese)” and the 26 year old with a curtain tied around his head is all, “Sure.”

MEANWHILE, the old guy passes up the wallet for a HUGE MASSIVE 357 MAGNUM, or something (it never mentions the make or model of the pistol but come on). Back to the action, the old guy comes diving out of his bedroom shooting with two guns at once, with doves and crap flying all around- and there’s a fire somewhere. Plus, glass is shattering everywhere, with water and stuff too- ALL IN SLOW MOTION. (do i even need to mention the KILLER SOUNDTRACK?)

The wife pulls away and the kid gets riddled with bullets AND THEN HE EXPLODES all sick and there’s this nasty blood splatter all over the wall and the old guys face. That’s when his wife is like, “OMG you are SO AWESOME! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!” Moral to the story? Besides how NOT to commit a robbery? I think it’s obvious- Don’t you DARE take violence off TV. Your life and the lives of those you love just may depend on it.

Welcome ya’ll to Ed’s Throw-Down for the 2003 Holiday Season. Seems the pickin’s look a bit slim on the new releases this year, so I’ve thrown in a few classics to round off the bunch. Anyway, here’s what caught my eye (in order of release) for the holiday season this year:

Coming to Theaters

• Big Fish (limited Run)

• Stuck on You
• Crust (limited run)
• The Return of the King
• Don’t even ask me about Mona Lisa Smile. Come on ladies, can’t you let us keep “Dead Poets Society?” Sheesh- next thing you know they’re gonna Remake Braveheart.
• The Hebrew Hammer (Actually I think it’s on Comedy Central tonite!)

So that’s it for me, kids. If you have any personal favs please add them in the comments so we can all have a jolly holiday season.