Hello loyal reader(s),

Just a little update to clear up a few things. Some late-summer cleaning as it were.

First, yes we are still doing the big spectacular overhaul of E&H.com. It’s just taking a while since we recently moved. I had no idea we had collected so much CRAP in 2 years of marriage. What I remembered of moving was the 16 times a year we had to move in the dorms at college- but back then all I owned was a pillow and a bag of doritos.

Between yardsales and our secret missions to um, relocate most of our stuff in the dumpters of various appartment complexes we will soon have it under control.

Also, I’d like to clear up a widdle sumtin’ with our regular readers. A while back when I announced the coming changes (link) I recieved some unsavory feedback from one “jilly” to the tune that I was boing a bad hubby. Now I don’t take too kindly to people trying to run the show here at E&H. This is my house. So in an attempt to steal her thunder I simply said I made her up. Case closed. If she persisted it would only seem like I was still playing.

Well, I believe the coast is clear to say that she really does exist. Somewhere out in Whittier, California sits some angry housewife who once tried to bait me into an argument. As I said, this is my house, trick. I do the baiting. There. Had to set that straight- I don’t lie to you loyal reader(s) unless it’s a really funny lie.

So sit tight and keep an eye out for that fabled redesign and rest assured that we’ll return to the fair, honest and balanced viewpoints that you’ve come to know and love.

I’ve noticed that the weblog has been a bit of a tug-o-war at times. I prefer to use it as an outlet for humor- that’s my favorite gear.

But, I also like to talk about stuff that happens or has happened in my life. Good or bad. Not to whine, just to get it out. Like yesterday when I heard some bad news, I first tried to call a few friends. No one was picking up, so I hit the blog. All better, I return to my work.

The problem is, when you look at the “finished product” it’s a bit of a mess. It reads like ha ha ha ha oooooooo damn ha ha ha ha. I dunno. Maybe it’ll seem natural someday. It would be too complicated to seperate it all into more than one blog.

I guess this is how I like it- my humor is kind of like that too. My funny side really developed in adolescence as a vehicle to vent stuff I was going through in a pill people could swallow. I’d find a way to extract something funny from serious or sad stuff. I also like to ad a bit every so often that makes you feel a little guilty for laughing. The mix brings you back to earth, makes stuff more real.

I guess I’ll just see where all this goes.

This is another “serious face” post.
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Act quickly on good ideas.

I’m always coming up with projects I wanna do when I get some spare time. Just ask anyone who knows me- there’s always some new big thing I want to put together.

I was talkting to Pete the other day about an idea I had for a book that I wanted to do as a website and asked if he wanted to collaborate on it.

The idea was simple: collect and critique the sayings I found on various stalls around the country. Sure most of it is “call sally for a good time” or “jake was here” or the occasional poop-based poem, but every once in a while you find something amazing- something thought provoking, something so daring and new that it’s only a matter of time before someone else comes along and scribbles it out in favor of “west side rules.”

I figured eventually we would accept entries from other people- even add a moblog. It would be huge.

Well, Pete got back to me later with the news: there’s already a project too similar out there- writings on the stall.

Poop. A dream shattered.

Never, ever, ever let someone beat you to the punch, kids. Reach for the stars now or regret it the rest of your life.

CNET has this great article of some of Microsoft’s cultural blunders as it has stretched its arms across the world. (link)

It’s not all that uncommon- most global companies make similar mistakes. I’ve seen some pretty hilarious ones. This exerpt from the CNET article tho takes the cake.

Microsoft has also managed to upset women and entire countries. A Spanish-language version of Windows XP, destined for Latin American markets, asked users to select their gender between “not specified,” “male” or “bitch,” because of an unfortunate error in translation.

My mentor, Prof. Howard Olsen, recently published a book along with his wife and daughter, all who are in the field of Strategic Planning/Marketing. Today their book debuts on Amazon.

Strategic Planning Made Easy: A Practical Guide to Growth and Profitability

Prof. Olsen (and his family) has taught me pretty much all I know concerning marketing, strategic planning, business metrics and the like. Their company, M3 planning is certain to be a catalyst of great change for small business in the coming future.

Congrats, Prof.

Ever since I did the “STP” post I’ve been meaning to develop a list to document just how many movies have been made (and they just keep churning them out) with the exact same freaking plot. I think they should just call it a genre by now. They could call it “Made for Morgan Freeman Movies” or something.

Below I’ve documented their (tired) serial killer ideas, their (tired) good guys concepts their (nearly amusing) taglines. Now, I understand- it’s important to have a vehicle through which young pretty boy actors can attempt to drum up some drama creds, and certain actresses get a chance to prove they can do more than undress, but PLEASE can someone come up with something else? I only bothered to watch 2 of the 17 movies listed.

Don’t get me wrong- I don’t blame the actors, or the directors or producers, the key grips or the best boys. They’re just trying to make a buck. The blame rests squarely on the american viewing audience. As long as you will pay for this drivel and leave going, “oooooohhhh maaaaaaan… I had no idea it was that other over-paid actor. I was suuuure it was the one on the poster!” they will contiue to crap these movies out.

Behold- the list in all it’s glory. If I missed any let me know.

I swear to you- if this happens I will explode.

Freddy vs Jason vs ASH.

Freaking ASH. Sweet baby Jesus.

Just picture me spinning on a roof in the rain all “Shawshank” style.

Can you see them? Can you see the tears of joy streaming down my face???!?!?

More here.

Just went to get a couple cavaties filled. A couple weeks ago I went to the dentist for the first time in… um…

Fifteen years.

Yeah. Bit of a dry-spell there, huh? They say my teeth are great tho- I just had a few cavities to fill on account of my teeth have deep pockets or something. All I know is I’m drooling all over my desk and it feels like I have a large carp flopping around in my mouth.

Anyone up for a smoothie?

Yes, my South-paw brothers and sisters scattered around this great land- rejoice, for once again Left-Handed Day is upon us.

One great day we will rise against our oppressor the right-man, and the world will again be ours.

Until then, keep flashing that smile and tell ‘em you don’t mind that the all the tablets out there mock your proud heritage. Don’t let righty know how much it burns within your chest that little left-handed kids get those crappy scissors in elementary school. For that day will come. Today is merely a celebration, a shadow of what will be when we reclaim the dignity of our forefathers.

For now, try to forget that it’s 2004 and we still drive on the right-man’s side of the road.

Got back from vacation in Nuevo Mexico. Very, Very nice. Heidi and I got to just sit back and chill at this PHAT B&B where we got totally spoiled. We also saw a good friend of ours, Eglis, get married- Heidi was in the wedding and looked absolutely stunning. I nearly interrupted the whole procedings to hop the pew and ravish her right there, but luckily I kept my cool.

We also just got digital cable. Due to a promotion we get every frickin movie channel ever imagined for the next 3 months. I watched City on Fire, Blind Swordsman Zaitoichi Vol 4 and Gia last night. Basically, I’ll be very lucky to keep my life together at all durring the next 90 days.

Luckily, Heidi is doing OK, but she’s still nauseus enough that she’s stuck on the couch watching all this with me. See? TV keeps families together.

I’m an uncle again too. My sister and her husband welcomed their second boy into the world the other day and he’s incredibly cute. Congrats, Sis. You two make wonderful parrents- I hope Heidi and I can take what we’ve learned from you- he’s a lucky kid.

That’s about it. No hilarious observances or vicious rants. Consider this post E&H unplugged.

Casshern comes to the US on DVD October 23rd.

Word.

It happened yesterday. I go through it occasionally and every time it’s like an early morning present. I wake up disoriented- probably from some overly-imaginative dream cut short, and I can’t figure out why, if I’m an under cover CIA agent or a midget circus clown or a repo-man from the future, why am I waking up in this house?

Then I realize- I’m not alone.

I pull back the corner of the sheet a bit and marvel at what lies next to me. She’s beautiful. Amazing. Sleeping peacefully is this gorgeous princess. Why is a circus midget in bed with a princess?

In the wee hours of the morning I’m just not ready to make it add up. I sit in bewilderment. It makes no sense, but still she lies there. What will she expect when she wakes? Soon she’ll roll over and stretch and her delicate eyelids will flutter open. Will her hint of a smile turn to a gaping scream when she sees me, an overweight Repo-Man from one of a thousand possible apocalyptic futures?

How did I end up here? How did my arm end up around her? She smells like flowers.

Then reality quits doing that purple cloud-swirl bit from Weird Science. It hits me. She’s my wife. This precious beauty is my wifey. My Princess Bunny-Bear. I am her husband.

Holy crap on a cracker. Wow. Yes!

*I win.*

Somehow, at some point before we fell asleep last night, I convinced her to marry me and now she’s stuck with me. “How did you seal that deal, man?”

“I dunno.”

Hold up- so then I’m not a CIA agent. I can deal with that.

Happy 2nd Anniversary, Precious.