I just posted our sonograms.

Without a Doubt- New York Times article by Ron Suskind.
Link for those who don’t want to subscribe to NYT.

I’m voting for Kerry.

True, I would rather just vote for my unborn child and Sean’s dog, but even they don’t seem to have their act together yet. I have struggled for four years to support the President. I voted for him. Initially, I was drawn to what I had read was his collaborative style of leadership; he was said to trust the judgment of the people who aided him. He was said to be a man who had strong principles, but sound judgment.

I have watched, and I have been moved to try and understand his policy decisions. It was hard. Both his economic policy (or lack thereof) and his actions regarding foreign relations have been laughable. And “well, Bush works in mysterious ways” only goes so far. I have learned though, that most of the time the simplest of answers is usually correct. If he looks like an idiot, walks like and idiot and quacks like an idiot, he probably is one.

This article outlines the basic problem with Bush’s presidency, and the reason why at a time of crisis he looked like the right fit. He spits out answers. Of course they may seem stupid or misinformed or lacking basic deductive skills, but they come out relatively fast. Most- now this excludes you, gentle readers- people want someone else to think for them. That’s why opinions and issues become so polarized.

With the internet, file sharing, idea sharing, blogs and the like unleashing information and ideas, it’s going to become harder and harder to maintain control like that- but it’s still possible. You have to work hard to make sure that decisions are made by a small group. You make sure that questioning leadership is seen as disloyalty, and you make damn sure that decisions, attitudes, and ideas flow down and the only thing that flows upward is good news. Sure, people will crack the veneer and spread the word that this is how you do business, but you still have a chance of maintaining control- at least long enough to secure another 4 years.

I hate that. That’s what bugged me most when I wanted to be a minister. I wanted to help people and make a difference in the world. When it came down to it, though, it was obvious: most people would think what you told them to. They wanted to believe stuff. Now, the content or the logic weren’t much of a concern, just the image that you had answers.

“Faith heals the heart and the spirit, but it doesn’t do much for analytical skills.” – Suskind

The image of infallibility is the basis of the Bush Presidency. Now, that is very reassuring in a time of great crisis like 911. Not so great once people have the time, the freedom and the balls to start questioning stuff.

Now here’s the tricky part. When you look to have the answers, and you have managed to capture a relatively large amount of the unthinking masses you have it made. All of this is assured by your opposition. Because, even though you have an opposition, it’s still got a large amount of these same unthinking masses- people who leave it up to someone else to do the thinking. And who actually does raise their voice to oppose you? Your first and loudest opposition is the fringe. And these voices work to discredit their movement, because they don’t mind resorting to emotional, loony and untrue arguments. They’re the fringe, what do they have to lose.

Now, I believe that enough people are moving over to the Kerry camp to give him a chance, but he still may lose. At a time when so much information is so free, it’s scary that most people still get their opinions from mass emails, but my guess is it’s true. Those who are the majority online are not the majority of the nation.

It’s taken me a while to finally decide on this- I try not to make decisions like this quickly. I’m not a fan of Kerry but at least he doesn’t freak me the hell out like Bush does. I’m not looking for someone I agree with, I’m just looking for someone I can put a reasonable amount of trust in.

My pal Shanti got some exposure for his latest project, Menlo Park 2.

Article.

Right on.

The other night some guy ran into us. We’re both ok- we actually hardly felt it. Unfortunately for him, though, he doesn’t own a jeep.

Reno has to qualify for “totally illogical and life-threatening cross-walk capital.” On average, I believe 6 people die every day here in crosswalk related accidents. The problem is, slot-machine patrons can’t be bothered with the little push-button style traffic lights, so about every 50 feet there’s a cross-walk with nothing more than a little bitty sign to warn drivers. On a 40 mph street.

Nice.

So you’re chugging along on your way to Wal-Mart for a new plastic garbage can because your wife has detected some mystery smell on the old one that won’t wash off, and even though you have no idea what she’s talking about it wasn’t worth an argument and you’re sure there’s other stuff you need to get and HOLY CRAP THERES A FAMILY OF LEMMINGS! You slam on the brakes.

Well the poor dude behind me didn’t notice and I hear “SCREEAAACH… dnk.” He swerves off wildly. We both park and do the ancient ritual known as “the fender bender dance of the damage inspection and trading insurance information.” We execute it beautifully. His car looks inoperable, while mine has little more than a cracked light.

Later I asked my Cherokee if it was totally necessary to bitchslap his car like that. He reminded me that before him I used to drive a teal-blue Geo Storm and I best keep my pretty mouth shut. Touche.

OK, this is the last link this week to something Sean brought up.

KRS-ONE is an idiot.

He said some pretty ignorant crap. Sure, he writes thought-provoking lyrics and can give a good “I’m so deep” stare. That doesn’t mean he can’t be an idiot. His statements can’t be dismissed with a simple “I’m a poet”.

So guards wouldn’t let him in the World Trade Center because of his clothing… hmm. And that’s bad because… why? Really? Come on, man. I would rather not dress in business attire, but I work in an office so I do it. I don’t call a press conference and stage a march. Deal.

Also, I love it how people take on the whole “I speak for all of hip hop” stance. Who gave him the conch? Apparantly Lil’ Kim had the same authority bestowed upon her recently when she stated the case against her was a witch hunt aimed at the entire community.

Also, am I to understand that no one in the towers was a part of the hip hop community? That’s how he puts it. At best he says they had friends and family members in there. So only sell-outs died. Oooohhh, ok. In order to be hip-hop you have to be just like KRS-One. Funny, that sounds suspiciously like the same attitude he doenst want imposed on him.

You messed up Kris. Now say sorry. Proove that you really are enlightened and not just enamored with the sound of your own voice.

It looks as if my best friend from middle school, Bennett Dunn landed a role as a race car driver who gets his face eaten off on CSI miami.

Link.

Right on Bennett! He’s always been “that guy” who was more talented than I could ever hope to be. He made Eagle Scout at like 7 years old, could play more instruments than Prince, and is one of those genuinely good natured people who is nice to everyone. Secretly I hated Bennett.

At lunch we’d all compete to see who could make him spit his milk out his nose. We’d wait until he took a sip and then land our best material.

Good luck, man. I know you’ll do great.

Update: He also landed a part in the gothic figure skating musical, Sneaux.

This was my third time doing stand-up. The Great Basin is the perfect place for an open mic nite. The crowd is laid back, ready to laugh and mostly drunk.

So I found this website (link) over at Pete’s site that tells you the readability of your website. You plug in your address and it tells you the grade level people would have to be at in order to read your content.

Apparently I write at a 3rd grade reading level (3.41 to be exact).

So tell all the retards- EDADKINS.COM is the place for them! I look forward to intellectually stimulating comments like “ur funny Mr. web man!” and “more poopy!”

Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, when he said, “I drank what?”

If you love me, you’ll buy me every t-shirt from the movie “real genius.” link.

I read this over at Sean Bonner’s site about this voting registration outfit out here that trashed the forms people filled out!

That freaked me out since I registered with some dude outside Best Buy and still haven’t gotten a voting card in the mail. They were tossing the forms where people registered as Democrats. Well I was spared. I looked up my status and I’m in. No matter how I vote I’m still a registered Repulican.

Of course the way this election is shaping up I’m starting to think I’d be better off voting for my baby. She won’t be born yet, but I’d feel a lot safer with her at the helm than Bush or Kerry. Bonner said his dog had political aspirations too- I’m thinking they could team up and run on some sort of “youthful idealism meets loyalty” platform. Low cost biscuits and formula from Canada, pretection of babysitting jobs in the states, that sort of thing.

Of course they’d only run if there’s enough interest in the ticket. Hint hint. In the comments. hint.

Friday night we went to the finals of the San Francisco Stand-Up Comedy Competition up at Lake Tahoe(?). I guess SF was full.

There were five performers; each did a 15-20 minute set. It’s a theatre set up with long tables instead of um, theatre style. Great if you are a contortionist/giraffe.

The acts were cool. I liked two out of the five. I really dislike comics who are putting on an obvious act. Real people are relatable. When you seem like a real person, then I’m laughing at something you said that I think is funny. When you are Bernie the Ukrainian-Chicken-Farming-Gigolo, then I’m laughing at something you think is funny. It only goes so far in my opinion. Not to say that you can’t have a persona- it’s just got to seem like you are a real person. Otherwise it just seems like a gimmick to me and that’s a distraction.

Here’s what I thought of the acts (in order of appearance).

• Eric Schwartz: The Suburban Homeboy. He was alright. He goes for the whole “I’m a Jewish geek who wants to be a hip-hop sensation.” After a while it wears on you.

• Sadiki Fuller: He was cool. He goes into the whole “I’m black and poor so we drank a lot of off-brand Kool Aid” thing but not so heavy that it’s all he relies on. He had a great stage presence and was likable.
• Nathan Trenholm: Think Steven Wright as a whiney angry twisted dwarf. A few of his zingers made me chuckle, but I wouldn’t go see him agian.
  Tommy Savitt: He plays a sleazy New York ex-lawyer. He breaks into this too-affectionate-uncle voice quite a bit. Creepy.

• Jim Short: He’s Australian which differentiates him and gives him some material, but he was a truly good comic. He killed. And won.

It was a great night and I respect each comic for making it to the finals.

Location: Caesars Lake Tahoe
Price: $25

This was going to be a review of last Friday’s debate. Unfortunately I didn’t write down my opinion on it fast enough and now all I remember is Kerry had a red tie while Bush sported a blue one. The truth is, debates suck. Not enuf action, not enuf drama, not enuf music or backup dancers.

But I do bring something to the table, gentle readers. I see all these programs lately trying to convince young people to vote, a la “puffy is doing it- so should you!” Wrong approach. You can’t change the kids- change the system. You see how many people vote on reality TV- why am I the only one who is brave enough to make the connection?

COMMANDER-AND-CHIEF: THE RACE TO BECOME THE NEXT LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD.

Bust it out in a way that actually appeals to the American public. Lights, crowds, Seacrest. You could hold auditions at malls and stuff across the nation. Get some judges like Bill Mahr, a few guys from Fox news and mix it up with some sassy B-listers like Gary Hart or Al Sharpton.

Tell me you wouldn’t like to see them all lined up- all these old guys in suits- sitting, standing, pacing in front of The Buckle or Cinnabon, all waiting to go in and get shredded. Howard Dean comes out and he’s all, “Dammit- I completely freaked out. The pressure, man. The pressure.”

People could vote via email or text messaging- and why not let ‘em do it more than once- if they enjoy it why stop em? Coke and McDonalds could do special promotions with the candidates on the cups- it would really jazz up the whole thing.

The finalists could each get a mock staff and be presented each week with crucial policy decisions. Their staff briefs them and we get to see all the action. Then they decide stuff- I dunno like taxes or nukes or something. Then we all vote on how they did. Plus there’d be backup singers and dancers and lights and stuff. I’m not against having them eat mealworms or rat kidneys or something either.

Of course there would be singing. And dancing. And group routines. I’d kill to see Bush and Kerry doing “Summer Lovin’” or “Bohemian Rhapsody” together.

Then we all watch the season finale where Seacrest is all, “You voted America. The ballots are in and the tally has been counted. Now to see who will be the next, COMMANDER AND CHIEF…

…right after ONE MORE message from our sponsors. And another. and another. and another.”

This idea is gold. I know it.

Pocketbikes are good for one thing: Natural Selection.

They help those of us in far less ridiculous transportation take an active part in weeding out the species with little more than a slight jerk of the wheel. Thank you, pocketbike maker.

As for the kid who rides past my house 30 times a day, driving his insanely loud clown bike with the most hard-core, aspiring criminal “check-out-how-badass-this-15-year-old-is” look on his face, you suck. You’re the punch line in a 15 mph joke. Put the engine back in the lawnmower and make yourself useful.

Which begs the question: Just why would someone make such an obviously bad choice with their disposable income?

Fotunately, I stumbled upon the answer.

The following direct quotes from actual purchasers of Pocketbikes, overheard at an actual Pocketbike dealership (really just a guy selling them out of a Uhaul in the Best Buy parking lot) answer my very quesiton…

Why are you buying this Pocketbike?

• I need something to keep away the chicks. They have cooties.

• Honestly, I would ride an ostrich if it were trendy.
• Regular sized bikes are for cool people.
• I had to find some way to spend the money I got from winning the POG tournament.
• I am a midget. (ok, that’s cool)
• I had to give up my Vespa when I stopped listening to EMO.
• I’ve always loved the feel of my knees against my cheeks.

That’s for you, loyal readers- an EDADKINS.com exclusive. I hope it helped you as much as it did me.

I just to tickets to the San Francisco Comedy Competition finals in Tahoe this weekend. Some day I hope to get in the hard way. Get that out of your head- I’m talking good old bribery. I’ll post my review of it soon afterwards.

Which brings me to my next point. We’re gonna start doing reviews here again. By “we” I mean myself, except in a much more regal way. Thing is, this time I’m only reviewing all things comedy. Only if it’s legitimate Ha-Ha will I review it. stand-up shows, SNL episodes, comedies, presidential debates, and any albums cut by actors, actresses or socialites.

Ahh yes. Lay a rose on the grave of Last Comic Standing. It’s been axed harder than old Pa Borden.

We went to see Sting last night. He was playing with that delightful she-male from the Eurythmics, Annie Lennox, and also guitarist Dominic Miller. If you’re ever in the Sacramento area and someone says “let’s go see a show at the sleep train amphitheatre,” please kill them. In the face. To get there, you must travel through nine towns sets for Deliverance II, bumper-to-bumper, all the while fending off the locals.

It was worth it though. I love Sting in an almost pathetic way. If I were to take up stalking I’d stalk Sting. Not at first, though. I’d have to work up to him. Consider the following conversation that took place betwixt Heidi and me this week. Since pregnancy has turned her body temperature to that of a space shuttle on re-entry, I haven’t been as snuggly lately- which lead to a dream where I left her. Here we were talking about it.

Heidi: That dream sucked. You said I was boring and left me.
Ed: Bunny bear, you never have to worry about that.
Heidi: I know.
Ed: I’d leave you for Jason long before I’d ever leave you for a girl.
Heidi: Pffft! That’s a relief.
Heidi: What about Sting?
Ed: Hmmm… Come on, honey. Don’t make me choose between you. That’s not fair.

Don’t look at me that way. The man just oozes cool. I bet when he spits a loogies they turn into toys for orphans when they hit the ground. Yeah. That cool.

He did a great set. I got to hear “Fragile”, “A Thousand Years” and “Englishman in New York” live, so now that meteor can hit me.

Much Respec goes out to all me homies from the G-Nome Dex conference. Boyaka bokaya.

These peoples made me time at the conference mad fun and enjoyables. Check em all out and then go sets yourself in fronts of a TV thats playin Ali G Indahouse.

That movie is on like DonkeyKong. It will change your life. Providing you are prone to changing your life just after watching an hour and a half straight of 6th grade boy humor.

Show these guys some love:

• Guy: He’s in Isreal. He was a riot.

• Shanti: He’s “that guy” from all your parties in college.
• Ken Kayne: He’s got an online record label and a wicked funny sense of humor.
• Steve: Weird Al’s biggest fan. ever.
• Joz: Great read and a great person to meet.

If you read my site via an aggregator, please update the url for the feed. The 7 of you who read my RDF feed through bloglines still access it through edandheidi.com. Please switch it to EDADKINS.com.

This will help the cause, folks.

Also, please update your blogrolls too- from edandheidi.com to edadkins.com.

Right now my stats are all screwed up since all my traffic is still coming through the old URLs.

THANKS.

Overall it was great. Day two had a couple informative panels on advertising and the future of online content. Also, Wil Wheaton came and read from his new book.

Now, I’ll say this: I know it’s chic to hate Wil Wheaton. I really don’t think that’s justified. I read his blog. I’ve now seen him in person, and the people who know him seem to genuinely like him. I think what people hate are his fans.

They are loyal and star struck and while many may be missing their phasers and rubber ears, they fit the same profile. Don’t hate him because of them. You should have gotten over hating those people back in high school- back before many of them got rich on the internet. Get it out of your system- go stuff someone in a locker.

Many of the people I met at Gnomedex were great. A few were big surprises. A few were aloof or more interested in talking to someone a bit more connected than me. A few seemed on their way to find their red Swinglines.

On the way back from trying to steal whatever we could from the left-over promotional stuff, Jason and I got to meet Joz of jozjozjoz and Patrick Norton from TechTv as well as his wife Sarah. Great people. We only hung out a few minutes but Jason and I left saying that it really made to conference for us. That and the poker and free drinks.

I got these commercials through Jerz’s wife, so blame her. Actually I had a blast doing it and (hint hint) I’d love to do it again.

This second spot is much like the first. I run around with cardboard golfers- hijinks ensue.