As usual, my boy the Relentless Giberish Bastard prooves himself to be voice of truth in the hip-hop world. Just like last year about now when he went off on Lil John for using his music to lower the collective intelligence of america, he recently managed to have a sit-down with one of the latest ridiculous products of the hype-machine, Kanye (for some awful reason I always add the sound of emasculated elves singing in the background of my songs) West…

RGB: Listen, Kanye, what everyone wants to know is how are you so brilliant?

Kanye: I can’t explain it man, it’s like I don’t even try, and then bam! I’ve got another hit! I was in a car wreck man…

RGB: Wow! Very insightful! Listen let me ask you about your fashion sense! You talk about ’shootin cats’ and ‘rollin on chrome wheels’ yet you dress like a 17th century woman. explain that…

Kanye: Yeah man, you are the first one to ever mention that… I just keep it real, you know, I’m from the streets, man, that’s it… car wreck…

Go give it a looksee. Not only did I LOL, i did this retarded clap thing after reading one part.

Taste My Comedy: Kanye West Takes The World By Storm… Again!

You read it right. 112 pics, you impatient bastards. Now quit bothering me.

Paige Months 3-6: the golden months.

Behold the most beautiful baby in all creation. Or all evolution depending on how you look at it.

Go read angrypete’s latest post, Biftacular.

He tackles an issue truely plaguing ‘Merica- the de-biffing of our nation. If you’ve been waiting for some brave soul to stand up and say, “how can we just sit back and watch as they destroy the sanctity of Biffage,” well then, he’s your man.

Let your voice be heard. Join the movement.

It’s biflarious.

Once again gentle readers, I have been fooled.

This man was never an oompaloompa. (local news story)

You see, back when this blog was just a wee pup, I went to go see a showing Charlie and the Chocolate Factory at a park here in Reno. That’s when I learned that we Renoites (allegedly) had an Oomaloompa living amongst us. Not your average little person- not just any midget- a real live OompaFRIGGINloompa. You can imagine the immense pride I immediately felt for my town. Top that, L.A.

Well, apparently it had all been a clever ruse. The Oomposter in question, Mr. Ezze (Yo, Ezze, why you wear your pants like that) Dame, had been telling people he had been an Oompaloompa for 34 years. The one driving the boat when Gene Wilder goes all apeshit over the swirling colors and stuff, to be precise.

After recently getting outed by a real Oompa he came clean yesterday.

His reason? Now, come on- does he really need one? If I were a midget I’d sure as crap be telling people the exact friggin same thing. Imagine all the tail he got with that story. OK stop imagining it- there are websites for that sort of thing.

He claims it all started as an attempt to pad his resume when he was getting into acting. Apparently it landed him a sweet gig in a chevy chase movie too. Once again, you simply cannot find fault in what he did. He’s a midget, for crying out loud. Job prospects are pretty limited- even if they can ride on rainbows and talk to unicorns.

I don’t fault Ezze. In fact, he’s an incredibly nice guy and extremely involved in the local arts scene. I say we should all play it off and let bygones be bygones. My guess is the local community will support him- I know I will. I’d have to be crazy to piss him off and give up my chance at three wishes or his pot of gold or something.

Previous Mentions:

• The first time I saw Ezze perform

• Action shots in full Oompaloompa regalia
• Talking to Ezze about the new Tim Burton Wonka Movie

San Francisco comedian/blogger Alex Blagg just posted some damn swell scriblin’ titled,

I’ll Drink Starbucks If I Want, You Stupid Hippies.

Go check it out. Now. All of you who enjoy a good rant, sit at the feet of a master. Here’s a snippet for those who still need to be convinced:

As if the exorbitant rent prices weren’t enough, part of the price of living in San Francisco is putting up with an endless stream of hippie bullshit. Even though there are more protests here than there are ATM machines, I’m usually pretty good about blocking out the stupid signs and bullhorned babbling of a bunch of morons with nothing better to do. However, this morning, as I was walking out of Starbucks with my coffee, still bleary-eyed and half-asleep, some dumb anarchist-punk-hippie-activist” yells at me,…

Interested? Good. Now leave. I have no time to come up with good posts lately. Go read a few of his posts and come back to me a better person.

Three years ago to the minute Heidi and I got married.

Just a second ago she called. I picked up the phone and all she said was, “I do.”

Melt.

I have such a better life than I deserve. Sorry, that’s just the way it is.