Since getting married and selling out to the man for a desk job, I have- through a strict regiment of beer and hot pockets- dedicated myself to developing the figure of a German grandmother. Today I realized that I do indeed have a problem.

A moment ago, while stretching at my desk, my pants button jettisoned into my coffee. Plunk.

Fair enough, I thought, my belt should keep everything together for the rest of the day.

When to my horror I realized- I forgot my belt. I never forget my belt. I picked today to be the no-belt-guy.

So now 4 staples stand between me and indecent exposure.

Last night I was confronted by something extremely troubling.

Something that even as I witnessed it my mind tried desperately to dismiss. Like the fannypack, it simply should not exist, yet there it was.

A seven-person bike.

Seven. I had to count them a couple times.

Check it out here. (link)

It’s exactly the same bike. And coincidentally it was helmed by exactly the same pretentiously hip seven people with exactly the same “Wheeeee- follow us to the grocery co-op!” look on their faces.

I got home and what was Heidi’s response?

“You know the only thing better than seeing a seven-person bike? Seeing it hit by a car. That would be hilarious- seven people flying all over the place.”

I am married to the most perfect piece of perfect perfection.

Contributers wanted for new project.

Not willing to give any info at the moment, just use your imagination. You’re reading this blog, you can perhaps guess the tone of said project.

Email me if you’re interested.

Holy Ever-Loving Mother Of Crap.

Joss Whedon needs to get a sex change. Then he needs to have a baby with Robert Rodriquez.

The product of this union must then be promised to my daughter in holy matrimony.

I have yet to talk this over with Heidi but I’ve never heard her actually express any problem with arranged marriages. Several of her family members believe she was forced into marrying me, so there shouldn’t be much of a ruckus over it.

I can’t speak for people with, say, friends, or you know, any semblance of social skills- but fans of Whedon are guaranteed multiple orgasms watching this movie. (Think carefully before using this as a first date- it could go either way.)

People who didn’t watch Buffy, Angel and Firefly with near-religious fervor- I think you’ll love the movie was well, but honestly I couldn’t care less- to me you are something less than human.

BTW, someone at Fox has got to be swinging from a rope above their desk right now for totally butt-raping Firefly when it originally aired. They showed it out of sequence, pre-empted most of the episodes with sports and didn’t even show the pilot until the end. And now look at it.

The movie is getting has earned rave reviews.

They were so friggin positive it would rock they invited bloggers to the press screenings. That’s balls.

It has everything- intense action, great effects, tons of humor, and yes- no character is safe. A few of the usual formulaic Hollywood rules were broken.

I think one person who has to be disappointed though is George Lucas. Serenity/Firefly has now almost single-handedly revived the Sci-Fi genre after George had worked to hard to kill it with the last 3 Star Wars.

Serenity Website
“Joss Whedon Is My Master Now” Shirt at Thinkgeek.com
Bloggers Invited to Press Screening Of Serenity
Serenity Reviews