You read it right. 112 pics, you impatient bastards. Now quit bothering me.

Paige Months 3-6: the golden months.

Behold the most beautiful baby in all creation. Or all evolution depending on how you look at it.

ed_adkins_2000: know what kind of parent i want to be?

thezeroboss: A drunk one?

ed_adkins_2000: no no no,

ed_adkins_2000: i want to be such a good parent that if me & heidi are killed brutally in front of paige, she’ll be moved to become a super hero

ed_adkins_2000: thats good parenting.

thezeroboss: hahahahahaha

I just put up a ton of pictures of Paige (pages 4-7) to satisfy the overwhelming requests. Click the picture.

She’s getting huge. That’s because she’s daddy’s little piglet. Be careful when you go check those pictures out though- the sheer power of her cuteness may be enough to explode your retinas. My suggestion- squint.

Since the request lines have been ringing off the hook for pics of our bundle of joy- here you go you vultures. I’ve put a couple dozen more photos in her gallery.

Paige: The First Week.

Paige Elizabeth Adkins. Check out her arrival in the photo gallery.

Her name is Paige Elizabeth Adkins.
she was born at 4:48AM.
she’s 7lbs 7oz
she’s 21 inches
and she’s perfect.

im watching heidi sleep as we wait for the DR. come & break her water. it’s 3AM and we’ve been here since 9PM.

even tho we’ve been thru so much it feels much earlier.

this is so amazing.

thinking of having kids? heidi says adopt.

the epidural didn’t work. pain. lots of pain.

heidi is at 7cm! shes doing really well considering she’s at the “gimmie some effen drugs!” stage.

“Honey I promise- we’ll never have sex again.”

Contractions have been getting closer, we’re headed in to the hospital!

Well, we still haven’t gone in b/c the contractions aren’t close enough yet. They are tough tho- real painful. I have to apply pressure to her back, she thinks shes going to have back labor.

Heidi’s doing well tho. They hurt but she’s really excited. Got her propped up on the couch watching Rachael Ray (the 30 minute meal chick).

Bebbeh’s knockin’ she’s gonna come out.

Well, folks- it looks as if it’s showtime!

Heidi’s contractions have become real doosies- and they’re pretty close. We’ll be heading into the hospital in a few.

Thru the miracle of my kyocera 7135 I’ll actually attempt blogging it (whenever i get a chance). Keep you posted.

Heidi is the most beautiful pregnant woman.

I feel bad for guys who don’t think their women look sexy pregnant- they’re really missing out. In the last nine months, she has been more beautiful than ever. More sexy, more glowing, more woman.

First off- making a baby is a miracle. The fact that her body could even prepare itself to knit together our child, that’s amazing. As her cute little tummy has grown, our baby has become more and more of a reality. And as much as I loved her nine months ago, I love her twice as much now- she’s my two favorite people.

Kicks are flat out amazing things to feel.

Of course there was the puking. And puking and puking. I felt really bad cause that first trimester is tough. But men, when do you get such a chance to really feel like you’re taking care of your woman? I don’t know about you, but this made me finally start pulling my load around the house- and now I feel like superhusband. Anything that makes you feel like the man should make you love her more.

Now when your lady starts creating your future inside her, there’s gonna be some changes. If you see those changes as a downer- well then you are an idiot. The curves just get curvier. The cuddles just get cuddlier. Enjoy this time. You have a chance to make her feel the most beautiful she’s ever been. It has it’s rewards.

Bunny, I know you want this baby out- you’re ripe. I know it’s been tough on you. But the last nine months have been the best thing we’ve ever experienced and I am so proud of you and in love with you and in awe of you.

I can’t wait to welcome our baby into the world. Whether it happens today, tomorrow or Valentines Day. I love you and we’re gonna have the best time of our lives raising Paige. She’s going to want to be just like you- strong, funny, smart, goofy, with a capacity to care for people like I’ve never seen. And if she’s lucky enough that your genes cancel mine, she’ll be drop-dead gorgeous just like her mommy.

On the phone with my stepmom last night, driving home…

STEPMOM: So you guys getting excited?

ED: Holy crap yes. We can’t wait to see the baby.

STEPMOM: How is Heidi feeling? She OK?

ED: Yeah. She just wants the baby out tho.

STEPMOM: Yeah the last month is like that.

ED: YOU STUPID FAT WHORE!

STEPMOM: …

ED: LET ME IN WHORE! LET ME IN! WHAT THE HELL?

STEPMOM: eh…

ED: I’m sorry- there’s an accident ahead in my lane and this chick won’t let me in. I’m sorry you had to hear that.

STEPMOM: No problem. I live with your father.

STEPMOM: (to father) Your son is calling a woman a whore because she won’t let him in her lane.

ED: A fat whore.

STEPMOM: (to father) a fat whore.

ED: It’s different.

FATHER: (in background) That’s my boy!

STEPMOM: You father usually uses a complex system of profanities, gestures and The Stare.

ED: OMG I love his stare- I do it perfect. I even get people in the car to do it in unison as we drive past bad drivers.

STEPMOM: You guys…

ED: There’s the pissed off “hit you in the face with a shovel” stare and of course the slight head-shake in disbelief stare- that one is powerful- i kind of feel bad when i use it sometimes.

STEPMOM: ha.

ED: I don’t even have the window down- this is more for me tho- catharsis.

ED: She is a beastly thing tho- she’s huge- she’s pressed against both front windows of her little Geo Metro. I guess given that it’s doubtful she’s a real whore.

STEPMOM: OMG.

ED: (to lady) I hope you can lip-read you spiteful pig-thing- cause I’m passing you poor overworked car.

ED: Hey you guys have a great night- we’ll call you when Heidi goes into labor.

STEPMOM: Love you guys- bye.

Hey you. Yeah- you.

I have a question for you.

Nahhh, nevermind. I’m not sure you’re ready for it. It’s pretty early.

Ooooo kaaaaayyy, fine. But you’re gonna be sorry.

What if…
(more…)

So last night Heidi and I were getting all snuggly, as we often do (we’re so sickeningly affectionate people have to think it’s a front) and- as often does- the snuggletalk began.

ED: Der’s a baby in the ubben.

Heidi: Yet dere id. Der id a baby indere.

ED: And soon id gonna pop out when id done.

Heidi: *Ding*

ED: No, from the videos I think it’s going to sound more like “*gurgle* ggaaAAAAHHHHH AAAAAHHKK!!! DRUGS! I NEED DRUGS!!!! I HATE YOU FOR DOING THIS TO ME! RRRRRUUUUUUURRRRRRGGGHHHH!!!”

HEIDI: thanks.

ED: I wub my widdle bunnybear.

Last night was our second night of birthing class. Men, listen up. Birthing class is the most loving, wonderful, sensitive thing you will ever do that will scare the ever-loving crap out of you.

The movies they show you I believe were produced by the company that made the “bloody asphalt” video from Moving Violations.

Naturally, they are having the same effect that Dawn of the Dead had on me. Little sleep. Lucid, terrifying dreams. Let’s recap last night’s tour down OMG-what-have-I-done-to-my-wife-lane.

Dream One: In an effort to relieve Heidi of the horrible things I witnessed on the video, I have assumed the responsibility of carying the baby to term myself. It rests comfortably in a womb I constructed out of paper mache and had inserted into my abdomen, to be removed thru C-section.

Dream Two: Things reach a new level of terror when Leonardo DiCaprio calls to congratulate me on my decision to give birth.

Dream Three: I am attacked by Killer Bees.

I seriously think they should just tell us men the whole stork thing. Then, when we show up for delivery whip out a picture of some horrible birth in progress. Later, when we’d stopped our fetal sobbing we’d thank the Doc for sparing the months of terror. And I wouldn’t have to keep popping No-Doz to fend off a chummy Leonardo DiCaprio.

HEIDI: Did you know the baby can tell the difference between our voices?

ED: From in there? Huh.

HEIDI: Yeah.

ED: That’s nuts.

HEIDI: I wonder what she thinks we look like.

ED: I dunno… organs?

I just posted our sonograms.

Well, anyone who made bets on the sex of baby Adkins- your money is safe. Apparently the little tyke is modest; during the ultrasound yesterday he/she was bound and determined to hide its cash and prizes.

If anyone knows any good androgynous names other than Pat, Chris or K.D. please feel free to share.

*** Update ***
OK. Soooooo the Dr. couldn’t make out anything conclusive, but she did say that she was 80% sure its a girl. Apparently she got a hint when the baby did like a peekaboo deal for a second. Heidi has been telling me the whole time its going to be a girl, so she made me clear this up.