For anyone wondering what the “Mooninite Brouhaha” was that I mentioned in the previous post, I will explain.

Cartoon Network has some hilarious shows. One called “Aqua teen Hunger Force” has been out for a few years but they decided to drum up some attention for it using a viral marketing campain. They made signs about 1′ x 1′ that had lights in the shape of a couple characters from the show and attached magnets on them so they could set them in random places in 10 cities.

They were just signs with lights.

People thought they were great. The main fanbase for these shows totally appreciates clever, subtle gestures like this.

Boston, on the other hand, thought they were here to destroy the world.

They called in the police, homeland security, and basically everyone but the troops stationed in Iraq in order to neutralize these “im’nent terr’ist threats” as our President would say.

What caused them to think they were dangerous? According to authorities they had “components consistent with improvised explosive devices.”

Those components were:

• Batteries

• Wires
• Lights
• A Circuit Board

OMGHOLYSHIT I have components consistent with improvised explosive devices in my computer! Hold on- SHIT- there’s some in my TV too! Call DHS- I looked under the hood of my car and I’ll be damned if the terrorists didn’t place some suspicious compenents there too!

Witness the placing of these horrifying signs below. If you dare.

Screw Metafilter- I got a mention on PeskeApostrophe!

Peske: Ed You Ignorant Slut

Sure we don’t always agree, but I Luuuuurrrrvvvee to read her opinions. Now, if we could just get a certain hollywood’s C-lister to become so enlightened…

Support keeps rolling in folks.

Well, mostly support and a few people calling me a douche.

Sean Bonner
OH SNAP! Tom Green Hates On Ed Adkins!!
and
Fun With Tom Green Fans Volume 2

blogging.la
Tom Green picks fight with entire blogosphere

Taste My Comedy
Who Is Tom Green?
and
Tom Greene Is Scared

Sledge
Tom Green Sucks.

Spelled Melk
Eddie Got Fingered

Mr. Jerz
Tom Green, Sacklicking Taintspanker

Mango
Eddie Would You Like Some Sausage?
and
Fascinating

Blogsoup
Blogs: Ed Adkins

Destroy All Celebs
Tom Green needs a cause.

Boys Wear Pants, Men Wear Trousers
Ed Adkins Really Knows How to Piss People Off Online

Metafilter via Tony Pierce
Never mind jumping the shark, has Tom Green lost it?

Blogebrity
Tom Green’s anti-blogger meltdown

UPDATE: Cruft joins the fray, begging Tom to admit fault!

(Also, if you’re new here, you might want to start with Greatest Hits. If you don’t like those posts, then the terrorists have already won.)

…and he likes bears.

So people have been asking me about this feud between Tom and me. “What did he say?”

Well, I’d love to point you in the direciton of the video He made on friday, titled, “Ed You Bastard,” but he took that down. That was a pretty smart move on his part; he made so many mistakes on it he prooved my initial point ten-fold.

So before he removes the post where he made fun of me, I placed the post here, entitled, “You Know What, I Think We Need A Cause.” Here he pairs the equally importent fight to save Grizzly bears with the threat imposed by my post.

Now, I’m not one to throw a hissyfit over a few comments about me on the internet. That’s for A-list bloggers and C-List celebrities. It’s the emailing me near death threats- that was a campaign fomulated by one of his fans- on his website!

And what was Tom’s response to this email campaign? I Have absolutely no idea why, but he actualy makes some sick coorelation between bedding me and helping bears. You be the judge.

That is a sick man, ladies and gentlemen. A very sick man.

Once again gentle readers, I have been fooled.

This man was never an oompaloompa. (local news story)

You see, back when this blog was just a wee pup, I went to go see a showing Charlie and the Chocolate Factory at a park here in Reno. That’s when I learned that we Renoites (allegedly) had an Oomaloompa living amongst us. Not your average little person- not just any midget- a real live OompaFRIGGINloompa. You can imagine the immense pride I immediately felt for my town. Top that, L.A.

Well, apparently it had all been a clever ruse. The Oomposter in question, Mr. Ezze (Yo, Ezze, why you wear your pants like that) Dame, had been telling people he had been an Oompaloompa for 34 years. The one driving the boat when Gene Wilder goes all apeshit over the swirling colors and stuff, to be precise.

After recently getting outed by a real Oompa he came clean yesterday.

His reason? Now, come on- does he really need one? If I were a midget I’d sure as crap be telling people the exact friggin same thing. Imagine all the tail he got with that story. OK stop imagining it- there are websites for that sort of thing.

He claims it all started as an attempt to pad his resume when he was getting into acting. Apparently it landed him a sweet gig in a chevy chase movie too. Once again, you simply cannot find fault in what he did. He’s a midget, for crying out loud. Job prospects are pretty limited- even if they can ride on rainbows and talk to unicorns.

I don’t fault Ezze. In fact, he’s an incredibly nice guy and extremely involved in the local arts scene. I say we should all play it off and let bygones be bygones. My guess is the local community will support him- I know I will. I’d have to be crazy to piss him off and give up my chance at three wishes or his pot of gold or something.

Previous Mentions:

• The first time I saw Ezze perform

• Action shots in full Oompaloompa regalia
• Talking to Ezze about the new Tim Burton Wonka Movie

Russia’s Biggest Spammer Brutally Murdered in Apartment

I picture some spam vigilante group kicking down this guys door and beating him into a mushy pulp, all the while yelling stuff like, “NO, (pound) as a matter (pound) of fact I (crack) DON’T feel like (splat) visiting your (splush) HUGE ONLINE CASINO- (splatter) but thanks anyway!!!”

I don’t care what happens to me- after reading that, nothing can bum me out all week. My faith in mankind is again renewed.

Found via Sheckymag

Great. First the pope dies, now Santa.

(via yahoo)

Abu Ghraib Probe Suggests CIA Role in Iraqi Deaths (yahoo news)

I don’t know- the phrase “Abu Ghraib Probe” just seems to suggest more torture. For the sake of the poor souls who already went through so much I think they ought to consider changing the name.

I got the same creepy feeling every time they mentioned that they were probing Michael Jackson.

Every time i learn a new tidbit about:

• The Jackson Trial

• Terri Schiavo
• Paris Hilton
• American Idol
• Podcasting, blogging, or RSS
• Lil Kim or Courtney Love
• Britney Spears or Ashton Kutcher or Carrot Top

I hate myself a little more. It may be time to just dump cable altogether.

Since I don’t have any time to come up with my own totally inappropriate comment regarding Terri Schiavo, I present you three wonderfully horrible posts others have lovingly crafted.

Chopping Block: If you only have time to read one serial killer single-panel comic discussing the Schaivo case this year- make it CB.

Get Your War On: Always a winner, they tactfully dissect the heart of the issue. Feh.

Murphman: One from his vault- he wrote this the last time her tube was wrenched from her- and then reinserted as a result of an act of Jeb.

A lot of people have been drawn into this story as of late. People are clamoring about, insisting that they know what is right or wrong for the poor woman and her family.

I don’t know. I know that there’s a lot of religious people saying her parents should decide. But their text is pretty clear that once a woman or man get married that they are closer to their spouse than their parents. A lot of people are pissed that she’s being kept alive even though there’s others who say there’s proof that she reacts to stimuli- even laughs. Then there’s the accusations that her husband isn’t looking out for her interests, but instead his bank account. And there’s a whole buch just mad b/c the federal government is overstepping it’s bounds.

Personally, I believe I shouldn’t involve myself in this one way or another. My mother taught me to never play with vegatables.

Ok so I just read that someone who wanted a bunch of celebrity phone numbers went throught the trouble of hacking into Paris Hilton’s Sidekick (seen via Tom Green’s boring blog).

Hacking seems like an awful lot of trouble, don’t you think? It really can’t be that hard to get inside Nicole Richie.

New developments in the Sherry Enema case (previous mention: liquor in the front), and believe me you don’t want to miss’em.

God bless Tammy Jean Warner, the wife suspected of administering the lethal poop-chute coctail- for out of her mouth has come one of the most amazing quotes of the year:

“That’s the way he went out and I’m sure that’s the way he wanted to go out because he loved his enemas,”

Not to worry tho, she keeps going.

“It all started back when he was a child,” Mrs. Warner explained. “His mother used to give him enemas all the time, and he started to depend on them.”

“He did coffee enemas, he did Castile soap, Ivory soap,” she said. “He had enema recipes.”

Recipes. Nice. If she doesn’t become a celebrity after this, then there is no justice in the world. At the very least we need to see her on the daily show.

So far the manliness awards for 2005 have found their first nominees:

Crabs, Lobsters and Worms.

Study finds that worms don’t feel pain on fishhooks and crabs/lobsters don’t when you boil them.

First off, you have to be impressed. They’re so freakin hard core that you can impale them and they scoff.

You can BOIL THEM ALIVE and they’re all, “ppfffttttttt- you heat water like a sissy. call me when you get a real stove.”

The study also reported that some of the test lobsters actually managed to jump free of the boiling water, smack the cook unconscious with his own tongs, make several peak hour calls on their cell phone and steal their car.

Actually this is a huge relief for me. In recent years both the boiling alive of delicious crabs and the impaling of worms to catch fish have given me pangs of guilt. And talk about timing, Heidi just won us a couple (50 buck) tickets to this HUGE crab fest Thursday. Hello!

News so awful people you’ll find yourself saying, “awww come on- why couldn’t it just be another tsunami!”

Michael Mann set to make a Miami Vice movie staring Colin Farrell and Jaime Foxx.

Just in case you had a shred of respect left for Mikey Moore:

Moore Digs at Gibson
3 February 2005 (WENN)

Oscar-winner Michael Moore has taken a veiled swipe at Mel Gibson’s controversial movie The Passion Of The Christ – his revenge after Gibson refused to back Fahrenheit 9/11. Moore was disappointed when the Australian heart-throb actor pulled out his financial backing of his expose of George W. Bush’s regime and his reaction to the September 11 terrorist attacks. The Braveheart star then refused to join Moore for a joint discussion with Time Magazine’s editors, who were considering them for a joint Man Of The Year award last year. On the subject of Gibson’s biblical opus, Moore tells Vanity Fair, “If I were to make a movie, it would be about turning the other cheek… And the meek shall inherit the earth.” Moore added he was disturbed at, “How easily the vulnerable can be manipulated, twisted by images on the screen.”

Mr. Moore, I used to like you during the “TV Nation” days, back when you were David vs. Goliath. But the problem is you have now become Goliath- and I’m just waiting for a new David.

Found via Pete.

Man dies from Alcohol Enema.

One question about alcohol ememas-

Just how does the hangover work?

Update: What I wouldn’t give to be sitting next to this guy when the bartender asked “so, how do you take your whiskey?”

Metafilter has a post about a supposed messageboard spamming campaign to save Ashlee Simpson’s image. the concept is simple, write a comment in support of her in the fashion of a 13 year old girl, copy it and paste it to as many message boards as possible.

Test it out.

See if you can spot Tony Pierce in there giving the girl a little support.

One thing I’ve loved about this whole thing since the beginning was a quote from ashlee when the lipsynching thing exploded. No one seemed to pick up on it.

It was something to the effect of “I don’t care who makes fun of me- there are a lot of really powerful people behind my career- I have to make it.”

Notice something missing? No mention of tallent at all. It’s not “I’m so good” or “I work so hard” it’s “Rich people want to get richer selling me.”

Hmmm. Exactly. That’s why you still have a show. That’s why you sold a bazillion albums without having to to stuff like, um, sing.

Yes, gentle readers, this is yet another EADC exclusive. Much ado has been brewing over the melee that broke out at Friday’s game between the Indiana Pacers and the Detroit Pistons. Punches were landed, fingers pointed and suspensions dolled out- but could it be that the REAL reason Ron Artest stormed the crowd after being hit by a beer has taken a back seat in favor of media sensationalism? Oh yes, oh yes it has.

Most news agencies have given you their take on the brawl. Most have shown pictures. But none of them was brave enough to give the truth behind it. None, that is, until now.

In an exclusive, tell-all interview directly after the game, Ron Artest told me exactly why he lunged into the stands, taking down the wrong fan. Artest didn’t tell a tale of anger, of vengeance, nor of malice. He told me, and I will now relay it to you in all honesty, a brave account of a quest to save the honor, neh the reverence, that should be given to one of the nation’s greatest treasures.

ED: So you’re telling me that you din’t go into the stands to pummel that fan?

ARTEST: Hell no. I’m a professional, and professionals know how to contain themselves.

ED: Then what in tarnation caused you to run into the stands?

ARTEST: Beer, man.

ED: BEER!?!?!?

ARTEST: Damn straight. You know how much those things cost at the game? Like $21.50 or something. You DON’T throw something like that. You could buy a case for that much. I had to go up there and see what was up.

ED: What?

ARTEST: Yeah. Somehing was obviously wrong with someone who would waste a 22 dollar beer.

ED: Agreed.

ARTEST: SO I figured I’d lend a little star power to his plight, you know. Figured maybe some psychiatrist would see it on TV and lend his services.

ED: Wow, man. You deserve a medal.

ARTEST: Plus, you gotta stand up for beer. It makes the world go round. One guy launches one and gets away with it, everybody might start tossing them all willy nilly. Then we’re thrown into a beer crisis.

ED: Dear lord. Don’t make me imagine that again.

ARTEST: See? I had to go into the stands. People just reacted wrong.

ED: Totally. Like so many humanitarianists- misunderstood in your time.

ARTEST: Well, it feels good knowing I stood up for what’s right.

ED: I’ll do my best to get the story out, brother. Don’t give up the struggle.

ARTEST: For beer and my country!

ED: For beer and my country! This has been an EDADKINS.com exclusive.

Spread the word, people. If we don’t stand up for beer now, we’ll have no one to blame when they take it away.

My guess is none of the major news sources will pick up on this angle, but here goes…

Marine Stands By Wife Who Attempted to Kill Him With Grenade

This guy has got to be some kind of horrible bastard.

Think about it. How bad must have been the stuff he pulled to turn around and forgive her for a murder attempt. What did you do pal? Eat her dog? Sell her parents for crack? You had to do something horrible. No one says anything good about the cheating spouse who tried to brutally kill them. That’s unnatural.

“Oh well, yeah- she tossed me a grenade, shredding me with a blast of hot shrapnel, but you know- some times couples have fights. she didn’t mean anything of it.”

Oh yeah. He’s pure evil. And you can be there’s some red hot discipline waiting her at home if she’s ever paroled.

On the Google News front page moments ago…

Thanks to Shugs for the heads up.