Opened up the news and it’s all “this guy accuses that guy.” Man, it that what this society is all about now? Accuse accuse accuse. Blame blame blame. Sheesh. Love the fellow man and all, people.

Well, due to the subject matter I just had to resurrect Bizzarro News category.

Woman Accused of Severing Man’s Penis

Man Accused of Poisoning Company’s Coffee

Idaho Man Accused of Stealing Underwear

Best moment of that last one?

The man, who reportedly admitted he was wearing a stolen thong during the interview with police…

I read this over at Sean Bonner’s site about this voting registration outfit out here that trashed the forms people filled out!

That freaked me out since I registered with some dude outside Best Buy and still haven’t gotten a voting card in the mail. They were tossing the forms where people registered as Democrats. Well I was spared. I looked up my status and I’m in. No matter how I vote I’m still a registered Repulican.

Of course the way this election is shaping up I’m starting to think I’d be better off voting for my baby. She won’t be born yet, but I’d feel a lot safer with her at the helm than Bush or Kerry. Bonner said his dog had political aspirations too- I’m thinking they could team up and run on some sort of “youthful idealism meets loyalty” platform. Low cost biscuits and formula from Canada, pretection of babysitting jobs in the states, that sort of thing.

Of course they’d only run if there’s enough interest in the ticket. Hint hint. In the comments. hint.

CNET has this great article of some of Microsoft’s cultural blunders as it has stretched its arms across the world. (link)

It’s not all that uncommon- most global companies make similar mistakes. I’ve seen some pretty hilarious ones. This exerpt from the CNET article tho takes the cake.

Microsoft has also managed to upset women and entire countries. A Spanish-language version of Windows XP, destined for Latin American markets, asked users to select their gender between “not specified,” “male” or “bitch,” because of an unfortunate error in translation.

I swear to you- if this happens I will explode.

Freddy vs Jason vs ASH.

Freaking ASH. Sweet baby Jesus.

Just picture me spinning on a roof in the rain all “Shawshank” style.

Can you see them? Can you see the tears of joy streaming down my face???!?!?

More here.

Yes, my South-paw brothers and sisters scattered around this great land- rejoice, for once again Left-Handed Day is upon us.

One great day we will rise against our oppressor the right-man, and the world will again be ours.

Until then, keep flashing that smile and tell ‘em you don’t mind that the all the tablets out there mock your proud heritage. Don’t let righty know how much it burns within your chest that little left-handed kids get those crappy scissors in elementary school. For that day will come. Today is merely a celebration, a shadow of what will be when we reclaim the dignity of our forefathers.

For now, try to forget that it’s 2004 and we still drive on the right-man’s side of the road.

Casshern comes to the US on DVD October 23rd.

Word.

I’m afraid that while I was initially overjoyed when I heard that a couple got maced after refusing to quit talking on a cell phone durring a movie, the sense of victory faded a bit when I learned a few extra details:

1. It wasn’t a real mace like in Braveheart. It was pepperspray.
2. It was for talking during Catwoman. Come on guys- you can do better than that. Step it up next time or people will discredit our struggle.

Oh well- a win’s a win. You gotta stat building momentum for the cause somehow. Now this pepper spray idea- that has some real potential. Last time I went to a movie I got the idea to start bringing a water gun and zap the talkers right in the eye. Pepperspray would present a much more effective deterrant. Heck, a tazer would be freaking perfect. Hmmmm… anyone had any luck with those?

Thanks to MAC for the heads-up on the story.
A detailed explaination of my thoughts on talking durring movies found here.

I can’t beleive the web isn’t buzzing about this.

97X returns to the (internet) airwaves this Monday July 12th at 10AM (EDT).

Funny, the sad news about it ending was all over the place, but the good news just doesn’t seem so speedy.

I’m not dead.
What?
Nothing. There’s your ninepence.
I’m not dead.
‘Ere, he says he’s not dead.
Yes he is.
I’m not.
He isn’t.
Well, he will be soon, he’s very ill.
I’m getting better.
No you’re not, you’ll be stone dead in a moment.
Well, I can’t take him like that. It’s against regulations.
I don’t want to go on the cart.
Oh, don’t be such a baby.

OK, I’m chiming in for a quick round of “How Many People End Up Looking Stupid.”

1. Read this story
2. Count the number of people who look stupid by the time it is done.

Man, I love this country.

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m pretty impressed by Saddam’s GQ look. They say he may surpass Lindsay Lohan as the new “It Girl.”

Check it.

I’ve been warning people about this for years.

Man Develops Mystery Green Sweat.

Oh, its definately IN YOU, my friend. Hope you’re happy.

Best. Headline. Ever. At least today.

“Police Drop Fresh Jackson Probe” Heck, I would too.

That’s just too good. You could make a whole game of it, no? Jackson Trial WordPlay. But I’m not into such childish humor- that’s not what we stand for here at E&H.com.

I just hope he doesn’t get off.

So, if you were going to hit a wall doing 40mph, which would you rather be in- A Mini Cooper or a Ford F150?

Hold that thought.

Go here.

(Found at Dana’s blog)

“Yeah, I’ll have a double quarter-pounder meal, with a coke, Torque and You Got Served. Thanks.”

McDonalds to offer DVD Rentals.

Cats Burn House Down

Reno (AP) If you thought you knew anything about deceased rock star amphibians snuffed in their prime, think again.

While fans and family of the late Froggie the Frog had finally begun to reach closure, new evidence has surfaced which has once again stirred the pond of human emotions. Just weeks after a Federal Investigation finally concluded that the frog’s death was in fact an overdose and not foul play, an anonymous letter to Froggie’s family has sparked national outrage.

The letter alleges that Froggie fathered love-tadpoles the night of his death. The note, which has not been made public, was delivered to his Father and surviving relatives in Reno, Nevada and threatens the family if they do not comply with certain demands.

“Apparently, somebody thinks this sick joke is funny.” said Froggies father, Mr. Squiggles, “well, we’re not laughing.” A nationwide manhunt has begun to find the author of the note, whose demands include three cobs of Jamaican corn and the assassination of Bob Evans. If these are not met, the author threatens to go public with incriminating photos.

As of today, no photos have surfaced, but questions are flying around fan websites and local hotspots. Many say that this lends credibility to the theory that Froggie was in fact the victim of a vast murder conspiracy.

More info on the story of Froggie can be found:

Here
Or Here
Or even Here.

How has “Friends” Influenced your life? 1,200 people were asked that question in a survey which is now being called “how big of a freaking loser can you possibly be?”

Man loses 11 grand because he was keeping it in his friggin pocket when he went for a friggin slurpee and gets it back. Who’s up for a rousing game of count the idiots?

Being madly in love makes your body go all chemically gender-bender. Women get a surge of testosterone and men get estrogen, effectively softening the line between man and woman. No wonder people always compare me and Heidi to Jaime Lee Curtis and Pink.

Costco hotdogs are now packing heat. Woman “finds” bullets in her hotdog? Did anyone catch the fact that the hotdog maker, Hebrew National, passes the dogs thru a metal detector? Betcha didn’t count on that one, did ya Missy?

Now, I’m not going to ask how a man shot himself reapeatedly with a nailgun- in the back of his head. I’m just gonna say it’s freakin awesome. What’s your next trick, sir? (link via mac)

The woman in this article should be put away for good. Her worst crime? Not that she robbed people FOR HER CAT, but that she is high enuf to pay for cat hospital bills that large. I’ve said it before, they make cats all the time- just get a new one.

This isn’t really news, but the onion finally has a XML feed. Rejoice.

This isn’t news either, but once I break a rule I like to just go hog wild. Check these out- your eyes are going to hate me for this.

Who’s up for another round of…

Count how many things are wrong with this story.

Listening to NPR this morning, I heard a rather bizarre story about one schizophrenic rapist murderer who just can’t catch a break. Homie’s name is Warren Wesley Summerlin and he’s on death row out in Arizona but his case is being appealed in front of the Supreme Court today on account of a whole mess of screw-ups in the US justice system. Now, I’m not for the death penalty, but I’m also not all “David Gale” either. I figure you know that it’s out there, so if you go around killing people and stuff you know full well what’s coming to you. I just find this guy’s case an interesting symphony of errors.

Here’s the low-down:

• April of 1981 a collection officer stops by Summerlin’s house to inquire about a late-payment on his wife’s Piano. Things go awry he rapes her and bashes her head in, wrapping her in his step-daughter’s bed sheet and dumps her in a trunk. Heinous deed, no doubt- but then things become increasingly strange.

• Summerlin’s mother in law tips off the police, claiming psychic premonition.
• His first defender wrangles a plea bargain, but it falls through when it’s discovered that she is sleeping with the prosecutor
• The new defender basically argued nothing for the case- even neglecting to mention that the guy is a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic who is considered mildly retarded and unable to control his anger.
• The judge who sentenced him was later disbarred for getting high all the time. Apparently he was reportedly looking confused during the sentencing hearing, uttering stuff no one could understand and may have confused the case with another death penalty case that day with a victim that had the same last name.

Dang. You’d have a hard time making up a story this good. This case is being used as a basis to see if a court ruling that juries, not judges, should make the final decision as to whether a person should be put to death or not will be applied retroactively to re-sentence 111 inmates across the US.

I’m against the death penalty, but mostly since it costs a lot more than life in prison. The new ruling about juries doling it out seems like a reasonable safe-guard against the guilty getting the chair (or needle or firing squad) due to errors in the process, but there’s still the chance that an innocent person could wind up on death row and make it all the way to the great beyond. Any takers on this one?