Kim Jong Ill’s livejournal blog.

link

It’s a collection of IM’s between him and various world leaders. You should’nt even have to ask me if it’s funny. But, if you must know, it is the reason that I’m sitting at my desk in a pool of my own urine.

Thanks, Shugs.

On the Google News front page moments ago…

Thanks to Shugs for the heads up.

Hello loyal reader(s),

Just a little update to clear up a few things. Some late-summer cleaning as it were.

First, yes we are still doing the big spectacular overhaul of E&H.com. It’s just taking a while since we recently moved. I had no idea we had collected so much CRAP in 2 years of marriage. What I remembered of moving was the 16 times a year we had to move in the dorms at college- but back then all I owned was a pillow and a bag of doritos.

Between yardsales and our secret missions to um, relocate most of our stuff in the dumpters of various appartment complexes we will soon have it under control.

Also, I’d like to clear up a widdle sumtin’ with our regular readers. A while back when I announced the coming changes (link) I recieved some unsavory feedback from one “jilly” to the tune that I was boing a bad hubby. Now I don’t take too kindly to people trying to run the show here at E&H. This is my house. So in an attempt to steal her thunder I simply said I made her up. Case closed. If she persisted it would only seem like I was still playing.

Well, I believe the coast is clear to say that she really does exist. Somewhere out in Whittier, California sits some angry housewife who once tried to bait me into an argument. As I said, this is my house, trick. I do the baiting. There. Had to set that straight- I don’t lie to you loyal reader(s) unless it’s a really funny lie.

So sit tight and keep an eye out for that fabled redesign and rest assured that we’ll return to the fair, honest and balanced viewpoints that you’ve come to know and love.

Act quickly on good ideas.

I’m always coming up with projects I wanna do when I get some spare time. Just ask anyone who knows me- there’s always some new big thing I want to put together.

I was talkting to Pete the other day about an idea I had for a book that I wanted to do as a website and asked if he wanted to collaborate on it.

The idea was simple: collect and critique the sayings I found on various stalls around the country. Sure most of it is “call sally for a good time” or “jake was here” or the occasional poop-based poem, but every once in a while you find something amazing- something thought provoking, something so daring and new that it’s only a matter of time before someone else comes along and scribbles it out in favor of “west side rules.”

I figured eventually we would accept entries from other people- even add a moblog. It would be huge.

Well, Pete got back to me later with the news: there’s already a project too similar out there- writings on the stall.

Poop. A dream shattered.

Never, ever, ever let someone beat you to the punch, kids. Reach for the stars now or regret it the rest of your life.

Stop whatever you’re doing. Go check out danecook.com. Unless, of course, you were already checking out danecook.com, or you happen to be Dane Cook yourself. In that case, um, give me a job on your new show or something.

This guy is hilarious. His act is what I’m like when I’m just farting around. It’s totally the direction I want to take my routine once I’m more comfortable. When I showed the site to Heidi she was like, “hey thats you!” To which I replied, “No, that’s Wil Ferell’s prettied-up little brother on crack. Isn’t he awesome?” (note: no actual relation to WF.)

He’s on Comedy Central this weekend, so do youself a favor and check him out. For now, just root around his site a while and lemme know what you think of him.

where Bones had to do surgery on Spock’s brain? Oh. Well I do. Jason sent me this article (link) about brain experiments that could someday help people suffering of Parkinson’s Disease.

Now, he sent it to me for material to use in my comedy act on APRIL 4th, and while I immediately extracted what I needed, I also took note of one sentence in particular which really freaked me out.

“The patients are awake during surgery so they can guide the surgeon.”

What the heck is up with that!?! Guide the surgeon? How? “Ohh yeah Doc- riiiightt there- yeah- now a little to the- *UUUGHhhhhhchhhhttt* … Who am I?” It’s not a back rub- it’s neurosurgery. That’s some freaky stuff.

ANYWAY, if you’re still reading this- feel free to send me anything you think would aide me in completing my routine. Either use the comments below or email me (info in contact link on right). Many thanks.

Want to learn? No, I didn’t think so. Want to learn the (somewhat embellished) history of the Mammoth set to a cheesy song in Spanish, with a pretty nifty animation? Yeah- I knew it. Just click here.

A big shout-out to Breen for this.

My sister sent me this story about a Village in Fiji attempting to lift a curse. It seems that 136 years ago they ate a missionary and ever since they’ve had bad luck. Now, to lift they curse, they’re offering his descendants the man’s boots and 100 sperm whale teeth. Seems fitting, I suppose, but do they really owe an apology? The guy got eaten b/c he didn’t bother to learn their laws (the chief’s head is off limits). Now, in the U.S. it doesn’t matter if you are aware of a law; you do the crime you do the time. If these guys had come here and munched on someone we’d lock ‘em up no questions asked. Me, I think they’re beating themselves up. They need to let it go- I’m sure the Chief slept well with a belly full of foreigner. Sometimes these things happen- it’s the process of two cultures discovering each other’s boundaries.

(Cue Bad Moon Rising by CCR) I just noticed something really funny. Anyone who has visited our archives may have stumbled over this post we did on a wild Chihuahua gang facing execution. Well, I think that’s funny. I also found the story of Leo funny too- given the outrageous reward for his attacker and so on. Well, I found some guy who linked to my (lighthearted jokey jokey) Leo memorial page- and he’s serious (Now look folks, I’m not trying to make light of Tammi’s plight. There’s just some quality irony here). That, I find incredibly funny- nay, ironic- nay, deeply satisfying- you get the picture. Some people wait their whole lives for moments like this. I’ve been noticed.

It seems I’m not the only one with a penchant for Photoshop (see previous post). Here’s a little work of art my friend Matt just sent me. I think the connection is that I’m taller than pretty much everyone. And I wear tights. If you wish to render your own ED-tastic creation, please do- I’ll post it (just remember, this is a family show).

ULTRA-MEGA-IMPORTANT! Click here for important information from Dinner Roll Productions. Big ups Brian.

Welcome to a brand new category at EDANDHEIDI.com: From the Mailbag. From time to time, we get cool stuff from people we want to post, so here’s the first batch.

John Tiesi sent me the comic on the left durring the height of the “do not call registry” drama. Good stuff.

Brian Kuttle sent me this cool link. It’s definately worth a full post when I get a chance. It’s really hard not to find dancing trousers entertaining.

Here’s to our readers- your humorous web-finds and newspaper clippings always have a home at EDANDHEIDI.com.