Watch this trailer. Watch this movie. I agree with sheckymagazine- the phase “Frankly… original scares me a little” is going to be a cult classic.

Pretty much, this is exactly what it feels like when more than 3 people are involved planning anything. I’m in love with every line Sigourney Weaver has in this trailer. “Suicide is like depressing to like 82% of everybody.”

If you have a vision for something, and you need to explain it to a group- the first thing you need to realize is that you are screwed. The next thing you need to realize is that one third of the room will try to sabotage you because your idea is in direct conflict with their interests. Another third will try to sabotage you just to have something to say. It’s not worth trying to sell the idea on the final third- they’re not paying attention.

I love it when a movie seems to tell your story back to you.

Here’s me telling my buddy Zane about the trailer:

ed_adkins_2000: i’ve watched it like 6 times in a row
sixmiddlefloor: haha
ed_adkins_2000: isnt this eactly what it feels like pitching an original idea?
sixmiddlefloor: yeah it is
sixmiddlefloor: people are like gyroscopes
sixmiddlefloor: they push back with opposite and 90 deg out of phase force
ed_adkins_2000: holy shit
ed_adkins_2000: thats- thats great

Do you have a blog?

DO you update it yourself?

Do you update this blog using your home computer?

Well then Tom Green thinks you’re lame.

As astute EADC reader Murph pointed out, nested within Tom’s retort to my April post, Tom Green gave us all a little peek into just how he feels about us “non-celebrity bloggers.”

Makes you wonder, don’t it? Just what is behind Tom’s contempt of my lovely little blog? Does he hate me because I called him out, or is it the case that Tom Green thinks he’s better than all of us?

That’s ugly Tom. Really ugly. I honestly can’t figure out how people can support someone who obviously looks down on them.

So we don’t have all the bling-bling.

We don’t buy our Chihuahuas diamond collars.

I’ll tell you what we do have, Tom. We have heart. And we have honesty. And we have the spirit, the blood and the sweat of the working men and women who built this country into what it is today.

You can’t buy that Mr. Green. Not with your fancy money, or your star power, or your lush, bristly, well-groomed facial hair.

Although, I must say- if you’re paying someone to run that site of yours, you were robbed. But then again I’m just some lowly non-celebrity who uses his own computer to run a much better blog.

A couple days ago I was driving around somewhere and I had a vision.

It became clear that something was in the air. I rolled down my window to let it out and continued my vision. Perhaps otherworldly beings had given me this insight. Maybe I’m one of those autistic geniuses who can compile huge equations on TV to fight crime and make up for my brother leaving an incredibly witty and successful sitcom in it’s peak to pursue some faint dream that he may be able to carry a movie career.

And maybe, just maybe a wee little bit of all that acid i took in high school got chipped off a vertebrae and sailed to my brain, giving some sort of sight beyond sight.

It’s beside the point.

Here’s what I saw: it was inevitable- sometime in the near future the world would rejoice to a live performance of Pink Foyd- as they were meant to be- with Roger Effen Waters once again at the helm. It just seemed right- all the signs are in front of us. Had you been watching E!s dramatic reenactments of the Jackson trial you might have seen them as well. It’s time.

Thank you pitchfork for confirming my psychic abilities.

Monster Planet started on Monday!

And just what is Monster Planet, you ask?

It’s the third in a series.

A series OF ZOMBIE NOVELS!!!!

Posted on the web chapter by chapter, in blog format.

I’ve been obsessed by these novels since I first found them last year- unfortunately right in the middle of studying for finals. Believe me, reading two novels when you’re supposed to be cramming is not easy.

Monster Island
Monster Nation
Monster Planet

See a theme? I totally suggest you start with the first one. If you’re like me, you’ll devour all of them like the warm, still steaming spleen of an unsuspecting victim.

All masterfully written every Monday, Wednesday and Friday by David Wellington.

If you consider yourself any kind of zombie fan and you haven’t read his stuff, well, you should be ashamed of yourself. Even more ashamed than if you enjoyed Resident Evil 2.

If you live in Reno, and you have ears (and even marginal taste in music) then of course it is a given that the following lineup will make you crap your pants explosively.

Wednesday June 1st at the Reno Hilton:

Queens of the Stone Age

and

Eagles of Death Metal

If you’re interested in rolling with the ed adkins posse let me know.

Also, huge graduation party on Friday May 13th. Massive. Holla if you want to join in the revelry.

I just had a heart attack. And an aneurism. Followed by a really intense sneeze.

The news I just read will undoubtedly lose me a few readers, as they will die of ecstasy upon reading it. That’s a fine way to lose readership, if you ask me. Better this than meet the business end of an aids infected soup spoon.

Anyway, back to news. I’m serious- your kids are going to ask you where you were when you found out about this. That is, assuming you don’t go sterile upon reading it.

Quentin Tarantino is in final negotiations to write and direct the Ultimate Jason Voorhees Movie, an all new Friday the 13th for New Line.

Wipe the coffee off the monitor and put on a new pair of pants. Call your loved ones. Do what you must. Basically this alone is the reason I won’t ask to be pulled off life support if a runaway city bus renders me a vegetable. If there’s even a sliver of a chance I could wake up enough to catch a glimpse of this movie, I don’t care if I’m left pooping involuntarily in a ziplock bag or requiring the use of an iron lung. If made, this movie will be the only true miracle most of us ever see.

It’s the best news I’ve ever heard, and the only sadness I feel now is that for the rest of my life nothing I ever read or hear will ever compare. At 28, I’ve peaked.

My guess is that people will respond to this movie much like they did “the Passion.” Across the world people will be compelled to confess to crimes, find faith, and you can bet at least in the third world movie-plexes we’re gonna see people healed.

Oh well, try and focus on your boring pathetic lives for now. Even though it will be near impossible to think of anything else until the movie airs, you now have a glorious shining reason to go on in this dark world.

Why is it that media sources- usually the official gate-keepers and transmitters of the latest trends, coolness and hippitude are so ancient in their thinking.

They believe that they can dick consumers around forever with no repercussions. Then, when consumers fight back they push for legislation to beat them down.

I see media now like the last Russian Czar. Clueless about the power of the people.

They’re old dusty white men wearing masks that say MTV and HBO. But stuff like last night is where their oldmanness starts to show bigtime.

I watched Desperate Housewives last night to see what all the hubbub was about, but mostly b/c I needed to fill the void between Battlestar Galactica and Huff. It wasn’t too bad. Until the end. The extended two minute end. That was L A M E.

Two aggravating extra minutes. Don’t think we don’t know why you’re doing this.

Then I read this story where NBC tries to say, “oh, that’s just, um, a new thing for ad revenue.”

Yeah, it’s just a coincidence that PVRs are sorta on the rise. Then TIVO chimes in with “ABC is our friend. NBC wouldn’t lie to us.”

Since when is TIVO ABC’s bitch? And at what benefit?

I don’t know about you, but when as soon as I get the feeling that I’m getting played I split. I don’t care about your show, I don’t care about your words, I care about my power as a consumer. Quit making it hard to access your subpar CRAP. Quit pretending that you don’t need to be consumer-focused.

I hear you loud and clear, Mr. Network Excutive.

“It’s not my job to make it easy for people to leave our network,” -ABC scheduling chief Jeff Bader

= “It’s not my job to meet consumer needs”

= “It’s not my job to pull my head out of my butt in time to see the market taken over by a competitor/substitute who will.”

And it’s not our job to watch your crappy show.

Plus they’re so not hot. Isn’t Terry Hatcher like 52 or something?

I was reminded today of one of the all-time best comic series I ever laid my eyes on. White Trash. If you ever get a chance to wrap your greasy little mitts around it, please do. For yourself. It will change you. Make you better.

It’s pure. white. trash.

But not the concentrated crap of the “Blue Collar Dancing Monkeyboys.” And it’s got less dignity than Paris hilton. It’s rock and roll. It’s mountains of beer, drugs, sex and guns. It matches the violence and carnage of Lobo with the style of Blues Brothers. It’s heavy metal. White Trash stars Axl Rose and Elvis. Well, in a Bubba Ho-Tep sort of way. It’s a shame but I don’t have my copy any longer and I seriously need to find it again.

I didn’t know it but the artist behind it, Martin Emond passed away this past March at a very young age. That kid was a genius. Throw up your goats, kid.

OK, this is the last link this week to something Sean brought up.

KRS-ONE is an idiot.

He said some pretty ignorant crap. Sure, he writes thought-provoking lyrics and can give a good “I’m so deep” stare. That doesn’t mean he can’t be an idiot. His statements can’t be dismissed with a simple “I’m a poet”.

So guards wouldn’t let him in the World Trade Center because of his clothing… hmm. And that’s bad because… why? Really? Come on, man. I would rather not dress in business attire, but I work in an office so I do it. I don’t call a press conference and stage a march. Deal.

Also, I love it how people take on the whole “I speak for all of hip hop” stance. Who gave him the conch? Apparantly Lil’ Kim had the same authority bestowed upon her recently when she stated the case against her was a witch hunt aimed at the entire community.

Also, am I to understand that no one in the towers was a part of the hip hop community? That’s how he puts it. At best he says they had friends and family members in there. So only sell-outs died. Oooohhh, ok. In order to be hip-hop you have to be just like KRS-One. Funny, that sounds suspiciously like the same attitude he doenst want imposed on him.

You messed up Kris. Now say sorry. Proove that you really are enlightened and not just enamored with the sound of your own voice.

This was going to be a review of last Friday’s debate. Unfortunately I didn’t write down my opinion on it fast enough and now all I remember is Kerry had a red tie while Bush sported a blue one. The truth is, debates suck. Not enuf action, not enuf drama, not enuf music or backup dancers.

But I do bring something to the table, gentle readers. I see all these programs lately trying to convince young people to vote, a la “puffy is doing it- so should you!” Wrong approach. You can’t change the kids- change the system. You see how many people vote on reality TV- why am I the only one who is brave enough to make the connection?

COMMANDER-AND-CHIEF: THE RACE TO BECOME THE NEXT LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD.

Bust it out in a way that actually appeals to the American public. Lights, crowds, Seacrest. You could hold auditions at malls and stuff across the nation. Get some judges like Bill Mahr, a few guys from Fox news and mix it up with some sassy B-listers like Gary Hart or Al Sharpton.

Tell me you wouldn’t like to see them all lined up- all these old guys in suits- sitting, standing, pacing in front of The Buckle or Cinnabon, all waiting to go in and get shredded. Howard Dean comes out and he’s all, “Dammit- I completely freaked out. The pressure, man. The pressure.”

People could vote via email or text messaging- and why not let ‘em do it more than once- if they enjoy it why stop em? Coke and McDonalds could do special promotions with the candidates on the cups- it would really jazz up the whole thing.

The finalists could each get a mock staff and be presented each week with crucial policy decisions. Their staff briefs them and we get to see all the action. Then they decide stuff- I dunno like taxes or nukes or something. Then we all vote on how they did. Plus there’d be backup singers and dancers and lights and stuff. I’m not against having them eat mealworms or rat kidneys or something either.

Of course there would be singing. And dancing. And group routines. I’d kill to see Bush and Kerry doing “Summer Lovin’” or “Bohemian Rhapsody” together.

Then we all watch the season finale where Seacrest is all, “You voted America. The ballots are in and the tally has been counted. Now to see who will be the next, COMMANDER AND CHIEF…

…right after ONE MORE message from our sponsors. And another. and another. and another.”

This idea is gold. I know it.

I just to tickets to the San Francisco Comedy Competition finals in Tahoe this weekend. Some day I hope to get in the hard way. Get that out of your head- I’m talking good old bribery. I’ll post my review of it soon afterwards.

Which brings me to my next point. We’re gonna start doing reviews here again. By “we” I mean myself, except in a much more regal way. Thing is, this time I’m only reviewing all things comedy. Only if it’s legitimate Ha-Ha will I review it. stand-up shows, SNL episodes, comedies, presidential debates, and any albums cut by actors, actresses or socialites.

Ahh yes. Lay a rose on the grave of Last Comic Standing. It’s been axed harder than old Pa Borden.

We went to see Sting last night. He was playing with that delightful she-male from the Eurythmics, Annie Lennox, and also guitarist Dominic Miller. If you’re ever in the Sacramento area and someone says “let’s go see a show at the sleep train amphitheatre,” please kill them. In the face. To get there, you must travel through nine towns sets for Deliverance II, bumper-to-bumper, all the while fending off the locals.

It was worth it though. I love Sting in an almost pathetic way. If I were to take up stalking I’d stalk Sting. Not at first, though. I’d have to work up to him. Consider the following conversation that took place betwixt Heidi and me this week. Since pregnancy has turned her body temperature to that of a space shuttle on re-entry, I haven’t been as snuggly lately- which lead to a dream where I left her. Here we were talking about it.

Heidi: That dream sucked. You said I was boring and left me.
Ed: Bunny bear, you never have to worry about that.
Heidi: I know.
Ed: I’d leave you for Jason long before I’d ever leave you for a girl.
Heidi: Pffft! That’s a relief.
Heidi: What about Sting?
Ed: Hmmm… Come on, honey. Don’t make me choose between you. That’s not fair.

Don’t look at me that way. The man just oozes cool. I bet when he spits a loogies they turn into toys for orphans when they hit the ground. Yeah. That cool.

He did a great set. I got to hear “Fragile”, “A Thousand Years” and “Englishman in New York” live, so now that meteor can hit me.

Ever since I did the “STP” post I’ve been meaning to develop a list to document just how many movies have been made (and they just keep churning them out) with the exact same freaking plot. I think they should just call it a genre by now. They could call it “Made for Morgan Freeman Movies” or something.

Below I’ve documented their (tired) serial killer ideas, their (tired) good guys concepts their (nearly amusing) taglines. Now, I understand- it’s important to have a vehicle through which young pretty boy actors can attempt to drum up some drama creds, and certain actresses get a chance to prove they can do more than undress, but PLEASE can someone come up with something else? I only bothered to watch 2 of the 17 movies listed.

Don’t get me wrong- I don’t blame the actors, or the directors or producers, the key grips or the best boys. They’re just trying to make a buck. The blame rests squarely on the american viewing audience. As long as you will pay for this drivel and leave going, “oooooohhhh maaaaaaan… I had no idea it was that other over-paid actor. I was suuuure it was the one on the poster!” they will contiue to crap these movies out.

Behold- the list in all it’s glory. If I missed any let me know.

Guess what we went to go see tonite with our friends Jason and Oksana?

That’s right, Super Size Me. But first we had to swing by our local drive thru for a little something to tide us over. Of course, imagine our surprise when it turns out that SSM is a movie AGAINST the mindless consumption of fast food- and not for it.

I imagine we must have looked mighty silly sucking down our value meals. Oh well. The worst part was when all that fat and carbs and stuff mixed with the cheesy background music- we were toast.

Afterwards, everone vowed to eat healthy from now on… Well almost everyone. No one gets between me and my Mickey Dees.

Get your Red Hot Desktop Action here and here

Note: There was a problem accessing the photos I linked to. That’s fixed.

Movie Blog just posted the the Donnie Darko DC trailer is up. What a year, eh?

Bought 3 Awesome CDs today. All of these bear the Ed’s Seal of Musical Goodness:

Here’s the quick n dirty reviews on ‘em:

Clutch- Blast Tyrant Rock hard freaking rock. First off- there was no stupid security sticker to labor through. Heck yeah. This is the latest from the band that renewed my faith in rock and definately their tightest release to date.

Masta Killa- No Said Date Masta Killa is the ninth member of the Wu-Tang, and this is his first solo album. Just buy it. For those who mistakenly bought Method Man’s latest expecting a good album, this will make it all better.

Modest Mouse- Good News For People Who Love Bad News It’s good. This is my first MM cd and I dig ‘em.

Movie site
Trailer- Quicktime
More info

This is absolutely the sickest looking trailer I’ve ever seen. There was a bunch of web buzz surrounding it a couple months ago- that’s when Jason sent me a link to it. But now I wanna know, WHEN DO WE GET TO SEE IT?

The wifey, myself and Mr. Jerz are hitting up a Liz Phair show in Tahoe tonite. One day Jerz and I are talking and one of us mentions Liz- the other is like, “dude, I love Liz Phair.”

Now there’s something I didn’t see coming.

Don’t worry tho- I’m still manly. I didn’t even shave today and I’m wearing a flanel. Stop looking at me that way.

Can’t wait. Just like Jerz, tho- I hope she plays stuff from my fav albums instead of her latest. More on the show tomorrow.

Update: Too tired to recap completely, but it was great. She played a bunch of stuff from Exile and Whip-smart so I was stoked. More importantly tho we were right in front and this venue is like having the artist play right in your living room. I kid you not, we were no more than 8 feet away the whole time- and some times 2 feet. The pics are PHATTY. Will post more tomorrow.

Michael Moore Hates America.

This looks fun. If I’ve ever seen someone who who looks totally unprepared to take what they dish out, it’s Mr. Moore. He’s a perfect example of why I didn’t get into Political Cartooning- it’s so easy to become a spiteful little person rather that a guide through the world of political satire.

Oh sure, when you start down the road you’re thought-provoking and informative. I loved TV Nation. But sooner or later it overcomes most people’s spirit. You focus on the negative so much, it’s easy to be filled with it. He used to seem cool- this disheveled imp poking a stick at all the corporate bears. Now he just strikes me as a bitter little elf.

So it’s nice to see someone sticking it to him. I do suggest after his little grass-roots stint in pseudo-political journalism, that this MMHA guy jumps the train.

Tonite is the last episode of Angel, ever. It’s the season finale of Smallville as well. I know this will make me a mockery of some of our long-term readers- many of whom I know regard me as near-perfect in my media tastes.

I have outed myself.

I watch Angel- and I was a ferocious Buffy fan as well. It pains me to say it- but not nearly as much as it pains me to see them end. TV is crap. They keep craptastic crapfests like Charmed, The (someone please show Omarosa to the well) Apprentice and Swan on the air but cool stuff like Angel and Firefly get hosed.

Come on, people. Wasn’t there room in your hearts for the Andy Richter show? Oh well, such is progress in the world of media- where any mindless drone will choose to waste a night on Who Wants to Marry A Midget.

Forgive me, it must be allergies or something. I’ll be OK tomorrow.