Well, here’s the new edadkins.com (EADC). It’s not totally ready yet, and anything other than Firefox tends to get a bit wonky, but fuck it- consider it beta & just be glad I decided to grace you once again with my presence.

You’ll notice a few new things- first off, I’ve pulled back the curtain a bit to let you know what bizarre earthly forces combined to create me in the Ed’s Bio section. I had some fun being a little less censored about my past- I still held back a lot but “baby steps,” as my court-ordered therapist likes to say.

In addition, I’ve now got all my contact info, including my cell number- I’ll make sure to list that in my more, um, controversial posts. It’s actually GrandCentral, so unless you’re in my contact list you’ll hit a voicemail.

My Manifesto will hold my basic philosophy on life, the causes I believe in and my intentions. It’s written, I just need to get it up (no, seriously, I’ve never had this problem- gimme a little while).

The Ed Elsewhere is just a bunch of links to my other social networking profiles. Blogroll and Archives should be self-explanatory.

Hope you enjoy it as much as I do. It’s been a while since I blogged regularly, but I’ve got a lot to say once again- so this should keep going for a while.

I’m just building a newer, cooler version of edadkins.com. Very soon, now, very soon…

I know I basically lost all my subscribers by, um, not posting for 2 years, but if you happen to still subscribe to EADC, please update the feed address to http://feeds.feedburner.com/edadkins

Thanks!

I’m actually blogging again. Yes, this time I’m serious. There’s just too much I want to comment on and such.

For right now I like this minimalist template. I’ve got a similar one I’m working on but I didn’t want to wait. I’ve missed you all so much.

I’m really uncomfortable with this whole “return to blogging.”

Mostly because I hate blogging. I hate the word “blog” and “blogosphere” and “blogger” and dear jesus don’t let me hear the word “podcast” ever ever ever again.

I also hate all bloggers.

Especially guys like Jerz who have become mega superstars in my absence.

Jay has become way more of a superstar- he’s bordering on nova.

There’s lots of other people I read who deserve mentions but I want to talk about me.

Well, what have I done while on my sabbatical?

I moved my family to a tropical island in the middle of – well, to tell the truth I still don’t know where Guam is.

The move has gone well. We love the tropical (perfect) weather, and a lot of the food is good. There’s plenty of great people here and island life has much to offer. Sometimes, the lack of fresh veggies or the high cost of utilities and good beer get us down, but it’s the price you pay to be surrounded by beaches.

Heidi and Paige are great- you can always read our exploits at adkinscentral.

I visited Japan. I’ve gotten back into the gym. I’ve been to the beach a few times. I’ve seen the most incredible things in the jungle- and in the water. I spent 21 days as a vegan and it was the healthiest Ive ever felt. I gave up coffee. That’s a lie.

I haven’t seen a (non-local) live musical performance and it’s killing me. Ok, i went to a hoobastank concert and I am deeply ashamed about that. I have had precious few salads. I haven’t pissed anyone off on the internet.

I didn’t miss you. I came back because I crave attention. In case that shocks anyone’s delicate sensibilities, I will share with you the relationship advice my dear Grandmother used to bestow upon the girls of the family:

“Don’t think you’re special- if he could get it from a Gorilla he would- and be just as happy.”

So I send this message to Sean about the whole mooninite brouhaha and boom- it ends up on boingboing.

I blogged for like 3 years and nothing. I stop for a year and this happens.

The whole ATHF thing is hilarious to me. I don’t have a problem with what’s called “mainstream media.” On the contrary- I work for a media outlet. So it’s not like I’m all “grab the torches and pitchforks and lets tear down the establishment- BLOGGERS UNITE!”

I just see all these folks trying to report on something they don’t understand- when weeks ago I read individuals who saw the objects, immediately identified them and started posting the pictures on their blogs (without alerting homeland security).

This information was available via a google search or two, and yet the media and some assorted aging round white guys in boston all began shaking their fists labeling it a terrorist hoax.

Terrorist what? Oh wait- so you guys have so much information about it and have it so figured out that you know for SURE what it was meant for? Wow. You guys are good. Even after people have identified it as a campaign to raise awareness for an animated TV show, you stick to believing these guys were bent on terrifying the townsfolk. No, see- that’s what the terror alert thermometer and fox news are for.

I’d love to see the whitehouse memo that reported Al Queda was planning on using cartoon icons against us.

Why is it that when we don’t understand something we go straight for overreaction rather than further inspection? And we label it something like terrorism.

Now, these are officials tasked with protecting the population- I can see them considering whether these are dangerous. But labeling the items and the people who made them as intended faux-terrorism? Shutting down the city? Shit, it’s New England- while you’re at it why not go all the way and burn them and the witchcraft they brought into your city?

The campaign ran in 10 cities.

Boston saw them as “components consistent with improvised explosive devices.”

Seattle saw them as “obviously not suspicious.”

And the talking (air)heads who look so completely out of their element attempting to report on all of this- wow. wow. It’s like life just skipped past the real world and went straight to satire. Watching the news cover it is like watching a SNL skit.

I love the way the two guys reacted- it’s EXACTLY what was called for.

Anyway, I Just saw a lot of misinformed people totally missing the point, so I laughed. I’m on an island far away from all of this- I don’t even hear it on NPR until the next day.

I’d write some more but I need to buy some duct tape and bottled water to put in the Mooninite Protection Kits ™ i’m posting on ebay later.

It’s 2007 and no triumphant return.

It doesn’t mean that I don’t love you though. It’s just that uncle eddie’s been real, real busy. Not to worry- all those fun filled projects are still rolling along.

I treat the blog like most relationships. When I want you back I’ll do something obnoxious to get your attention.

If you want to see what we’re up to just head over to adkinscentral.com and check out what Heidi’s been writing, or just look at pics of paige.

Or you could fly out here to Guam and we’ll have a bar-b-q.

Everything out here is awesome.

For all intents and purposes, though, EADC is shut down for the moment as I switch to wordpress and ready my other projects.

I will be back though- and in 2006.

That’s right. In 2.5 weeks we’re packing up the family Mosquito-Coast-style and heading to Guam, where uncle Eddie has a new gig. It’s a great opportunity career-wise and don’t worry Heidi is all “bout it bout it” as the kids say. Of course the fact that it’s a tropical island won’t hurt either. I can’t believe it- I’m finally going to be a real minority. That’s like diplomatic immunity for using slurs in public. I’m going to be the envy of white people all over the country.

I guess this means I have to start blogging again, so keep an eye out for the return of EADC.

Well now, I said I was gonna bring goodies when I came back.

They’re coming. We’re brewing up a collaborative humor blog so you leaches will finally have some good crap to read on the web instead of the endless piles of “snark” spewed out by lesser writers. Plus, maybe a webcomic or 2 and some other stuff.

Incidentally, this brings me to something I vowed earlier today. The next person that uses the term “hella” in front of me gets pissed on. I don’t care if its here at the office- I’m going to have to whip it out and teach them a lesson.

See you soon- just gimme a few weeks to make the site look respectable.

Go have fun. See the sights.

I’ll let you know when it’s time to come back.

I’ll bring goodies, too.

Contributers wanted for new project.

Not willing to give any info at the moment, just use your imagination. You’re reading this blog, you can perhaps guess the tone of said project.

Email me if you’re interested.

If you must know, the blog and I aren’t hanging out much lately. True, I’ve been busy and I’ve pretty much quit blogging during the day, but the main reason is he’s an ass.

Yeah, the blog may seem really cool to you guys, but he’s a horrible friend. Last friday he went out with us and got completely ****faced. He was obnoxious- he usually is when he gets faded.

I guess I need to watch out for him, but he doesn’t listen. See, blog just likes to talk and get attention. And if he’s got a lot on his mind or having a bad week, don’t go drinking with him. The more he takes in the louder he gets, and then he starts making all these rude comments about people- eventually it takes its toll. Some stuff you can’t take back, even if you delete it and rebuild the page.

It’s bad enough he pretty much just talks about himself, or stupid internet stuff no one wants to hear. But then he starts bragging about he’s soooo much better than all the other blogs because he’s so smart and has such good writing and he’s ten times funnier than pretty much everyone.

Someone almost shut him up Friday night by asking him how much traffic he gets. They schooled him in front of everyone by saying he’s got like 10 readers and almost all his hits come from referral spam. But then he just blew it off and said it’s cause his humor is so good only really funny people understand it and just kept going…

The next stage he gets all depressed. He starts going through old posts and crying about all the comment spam he has to deal with. Blah blah blah.

He tried to start a fight with some washed up celebrity who didn’t even notice, and we ended up having to carry him out- it was totally embarrasing. On the way out he hit on Heidi so I kicked him in his junk and we both ended up getting tossed out. Then on the way home he puked in my car.

So he’s on my list. I think he can tell cause he hasn’t called me either. I’m actually posting this via email so I don’t have to talk to him directly.

If you see him, do me a favor and don’t say I talked to you about this- just let it blow over. The last thing I need right now is for him to get all pissy and start spreading rumors about me to all the other blogs. Just act like everyting’s normal, and for your own good if he asks you to go out just say you’re busy.

UPDATE: Ed is a total jerk- don’t listen to a word he says.

We’ve all been there- you wake up one day and realize your life needs a major change of direction. Whether it’s “you know, I think I’d get more attention as a redhead,” or “This time I’m really gonna leave the cult.” It’s universal.

As for my situation, I have this lethally adorable baby at home.

And coincidentally no time to do get all my big plans done.

I need to find a way to stay home all day with my baby and still make tons and tons of money. And I still haven’t been offered a movie gig or late-night talk show. Ridiculous, I know.

So I’ve been trying to come up with a new career that would offer such an environment. It’s gotta be a high-growth industry with plenty of chance for advancement and innovation.

Right now I’m leaning heavily towards mail fraud. Anyone wanna pair up?

As astute readers of EADC might have discovered by now, I have undergone a recent “change of lifestyle.” Non-astute readers may interpret that as my announcement that I have come out of the closet.

At two o’clock in the morning, waking for the third time to the sound of my little one, ohhhhh how I wish that was the case.

Now, I still love her so much that I’d probably corrupt my database using all the room to express it (nice- nerdy and sensitive). I would never consider selling her or attempting to flee to the Caribbean, changing my name to Pepé, growing a scraggily beard and forgoing the use of shoes entirely, learning the trade of a commercial fisherman and spending the remainder of my days in a houseboat. No, that thought has ne’er occurred to me.

But I have had to make a few adjustments to my recent declaration of productivity. Remember my goals for 2005? They went a little something like this:

• Finish my MBA

• Start an internet comic about… you’ll see
• Start a business blogging website (finally a place i can sound smart)
• Produce a sketch comedy video
• Write some mini-books I think’ll be hilarious
• ANOTHER web design. I just got the Macromedia MX suite and the Adobe Creative suite. I need to change the form of this site- I want a forum where I can be funny, but serious too. Somewhere I can drop science on favorite farts, but on the trade deficit as well. My current strategy for this site doesn’t really allow it.
• Plus this year I’m planning on going all-out with my standup act.

Now they look a little something like this

• Change poopy diaper

• Change poopy diaper
• Wipe poopy off couch
• Change poopy diaper
• Cry
• Change poopy diaper
• Wipe poopy off ceiling
• Change poopy diaper
• Pretend I’m asleep so Heidi has to change poopy diaper
• Wipe poopy off- What the hell!??!?- My briefcase? Dammit!!
• Change poopy diaper
• Change poopy diaper
• Buy diapers

So you see, there may be brief lapses in updates here. And most of the posts will be about crying, and poopy. And how great it is to have a beautiful bundle of joy.

2005 is shaping up to be the most pee-pee-in-your-pants amazing year of my life, I have decided that some changes are in order.

This year I’ll become a daddy. Actually in about 6 days or so. This by far will be the most fulfilling and challenging and amazing experience I can imagine.

This year semester I’m also finish my MBA.

I’ve got a TON of projects going on too.

• An internet comic about… you’ll see

• A business blogging website (finally a place i can sound smart)
• A sketch comedy video
• Some mini-books I think’ll be hilarious
• ANOTHER web design. I just got the Macromedia MX suite and the Adobe Creative suite. I need to change the form of this site- I want a forum where I can be funny, but serious too. Somewhere I can drop science on favorite farts, but on the trade deficit as well. My current strategy for this site doesn’t really allow it.
• Plus this year I’m planning on going all-out with my standup act.

So you see, along with my professional career, homelife and goals I haven’t left much room for slacking off.

SO I’ve made some changes:

• No more T.V. during the week: This will be possible thru the magic of our new DVR.

• Waking Up Early: From now on- no sleeping in at all. The baby I’m sure will be a help.
• Crystal Methamphetamine: This will be required in massive doses for my new fast-paced schedule. It worked great for Alex in that one episode of Family Ties. If I can’t score any high-grade I could always just crush up some Trimspa- i’ve heard its just a mix of meth, battery acid and tang.

Some of my agenda I’m already working on, and I won’t fall over dead if I don’t get it all done before 01/01/06, but I do want to give it all a shot this year. We’ll see.

Something’s up. I did a little self-censoring earlier this week and omitted a couple posts.

Sometimes I worry that people aren’t ready for me to unload some of the more, shall we say, unrefined aspects of my humor.

But since then I just haven’t been able to write. Nothing seems compelling. I even bombed horribly at an open mic last night b/c I just don’t feel passionate about writing humor.

Now of course I can’t post the outdated previously censored stuff b/c it won’t be funny now. But I think I’ll come up with a disclaimer to toss up here so that I can spit out more of a free flow of whatever find haha, without worrying if someone may get upset.

Not that I’m terribly worried about people getting upset, but since I don’t enjoy the luxury of anonymity here I risk a bit professionally and personally if i push stuff too far.

You can now leave comments right on the video page. I integrated it with MT.

This should be fun.

Put last thursday’s standup set in the videos section. Check it out- it’s definately by far the best yet.

Disclaimer: when I tell jokes I don’t really worry about who may get offended. I assume you are familiar with the concept of taking a joke- that’s that they’re for. Keep it in mind while you watch.

Also, posted pics of the Nevada Day Parade and Heidi’s tummy. Enjoy.

BTW, if you are using a feedreader to view my blog, change the link.

I am going to get rid of the RSS 1.0 now. If you want to continue getting the feed use one of the XML links on my sidebar.

XML
ATOM

That’s right, gentle readers- the all new swanky Video Section of edadkins.com is now OPEN!

Feel free to browse and laugh at me.

Just remember- be kind and rewind.