The Blog and Me
If you must know, the blog and I aren’t hanging out much lately. True, I’ve been busy and I’ve pretty much quit blogging during the day, but the main reason is he’s an ass.
Yeah, the blog may seem really cool to you guys, but he’s a horrible friend. Last friday he went out with us and got completely ****faced. He was obnoxious- he usually is when he gets faded.
I guess I need to watch out for him, but he doesn’t listen. See, blog just likes to talk and get attention. And if he’s got a lot on his mind or having a bad week, don’t go drinking with him. The more he takes in the louder he gets, and then he starts making all these rude comments about people- eventually it takes its toll. Some stuff you can’t take back, even if you delete it and rebuild the page.
It’s bad enough he pretty much just talks about himself, or stupid internet stuff no one wants to hear. But then he starts bragging about he’s soooo much better than all the other blogs because he’s so smart and has such good writing and he’s ten times funnier than pretty much everyone.
Someone almost shut him up Friday night by asking him how much traffic he gets. They schooled him in front of everyone by saying he’s got like 10 readers and almost all his hits come from referral spam. But then he just blew it off and said it’s cause his humor is so good only really funny people understand it and just kept going…
The next stage he gets all depressed. He starts going through old posts and crying about all the comment spam he has to deal with. Blah blah blah.
He tried to start a fight with some washed up celebrity who didn’t even notice, and we ended up having to carry him out- it was totally embarrasing. On the way out he hit on Heidi so I kicked him in his junk and we both ended up getting tossed out. Then on the way home he puked in my car.
So he’s on my list. I think he can tell cause he hasn’t called me either. I’m actually posting this via email so I don’t have to talk to him directly.
If you see him, do me a favor and don’t say I talked to you about this- just let it blow over. The last thing I need right now is for him to get all pissy and start spreading rumors about me to all the other blogs. Just act like everyting’s normal, and for your own good if he asks you to go out just say you’re busy.
UPDATE: Ed is a total jerk- don’t listen to a word he says.
April 21st, 2005 at 1:13 pm
I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who has blog problems. My blog is one moody witch. She tries to pretend she’s not though. She’ll be all giggly and devil may care but seriously, she’s mostly a downer. Thank goodness she doesn’t drink otherwise who knows what she’d be like. And you know? When she gets mad at me she’s all passive aggressive. Instead of letting me know there’s a problem, she’ll just randomly break stuff on the site because she knows that drives me crazy. Error messages will mysteriously appear and disappear. If I listen very carefully I can almost hear her diabolical laughter.
April 21st, 2005 at 3:04 pm
look, ah, the other night things got a little out of hand, things were said, You know I don’t think
your ass looks like ETs head when he got real sick toward the end with a wig on it, you know that, I’ve told you many times before I think you have a very symetrical ass. look, what I’m saying is you can’t let one night, okay maybe like five nights, but you can’t let those times outway the good Ed, you can’t! That’s no way to live! Remember when we used to pick fresh oranges
and run through the poplar groves together, remember when I borrowed $180 and never paid you back and you got real mad but it turned out I used the money to buy you a new mahogany front door? Remember Ed, let the memories wash over you, let them heal you, or all the times I helped you bathe when you broke your leg, and the time I convinced a small Amazon tribe that you where a god,or the time I sat down and had that long talk with you about the dangers of bolimia, maybe I’m getting mixed up with Full House episodes now, but thats not the point damn it, the point is we need each other, hell I miss you… I miss your scent… I cry alot… well now you know how I feel, I think I have made my self VERY clear, the rest is up to you…
April 22nd, 2005 at 4:54 pm
Ed, as you will see on my blog, I have started a cult, and it’s numbers grow daily.
*Breaking News*
I have just emerged from a 3 day conclave with TVs Robert Wuhl, Memphis Grizzlies start Bonzi Wells, Oscar nominated actor Lorenzo Llamas, and an unopened box of dryer sheets, to announce that you have been named Grand Wizard Bishop Chancelor in charge of t shirts
April 23rd, 2005 at 9:36 am
Well, even blogs go through their ups and downs. Have you checked to see if it might be depressed, bipolar or schizo?
April 23rd, 2005 at 5:06 pm
i agree, your blog does crave attention. i mean, look at some of the crap on your blogroll. i mean, your blog links to DADDY BLOGS for chrissakes. what the fuck’s up with that?
more boobs, more booze, or my blog will gang rape yours in a back alley.
April 23rd, 2005 at 5:37 pm
ok well last night he showed up with a tub of ice cream, some microwave popcorn and When Harry Met Sally.
i knew it was make up time.
how could i stay mad at him?
April 25th, 2005 at 2:50 pm
Hey you’re blog’s name is Genuine too!
May 1st, 2005 at 5:59 pm
Personally, I love your blog. But if he ever fucks my wife again, I’m popping a cap in his ass.