Time To Jog
Since getting married and selling out to the man for a desk job, I have- through a strict regiment of beer and hot pockets- dedicated myself to developing the figure of a German grandmother. Today I realized that I do indeed have a problem.
A moment ago, while stretching at my desk, my pants button jettisoned into my coffee. Plunk.
Fair enough, I thought, my belt should keep everything together for the rest of the day.
When to my horror I realized- I forgot my belt. I never forget my belt. I picked today to be the no-belt-guy.
So now 4 staples stand between me and indecent exposure.
October 5th, 2005 at 12:45 pm
That reminds me of the time that I was going to have sex but I forgot the condom. Necessity is the mother of all invention. A toy army man parachute and six bread twist-ties later and I had herpes.
October 5th, 2005 at 2:45 pm
Only four staples? Were they at least the industrial strength?
October 6th, 2005 at 8:01 am
Aaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaahahahaahahahahahaha.
October 6th, 2005 at 6:55 pm
How do you explain to that person that walks in on you stapling your crotch?
October 6th, 2005 at 11:08 pm
When all else fails, a paperclip can do the job as well
October 7th, 2005 at 10:01 am
Staples are classic. Too bad they don’t make stylish pants with elastic waistbands (ala maternity pants). That keeps you completely oblivious to your ever expanding waistline.
October 8th, 2005 at 12:20 pm
There is a saying that’s Asians don’t get FAT, I say that’s bullcrap, I am here at Old Navy shopping for jeans because my last year’s DOES NOT fit anymore. For the first time in my life, I am looking for a SIZE 30 waist, can anyone sympathize with me?
October 9th, 2005 at 10:38 am
Once I ripped my pants on the buttcheek. The other therapists’ dared me to do it SO I stapled the rip shut and wore them the rest of the day. I was STAPLE ASS. So don’t feel bad.
October 22nd, 2005 at 8:12 pm
i think this is just god’s way of saying he’s a jerk. he makes you fat, makes you forget your belt, and the breaks you button. you must have done something in a past life to piss him off. perhaps you didn’t wear a hat when you left your house in the 1700’s. that is one of his many pet peaves.
November 6th, 2005 at 7:42 pm
I hate you Ed. I didn’t mean that. I just say crazy things because I miss you so much. You just won’t come back to me will you girl? Just come back to me. Although we’ve come, to the end of the road. Still I can’t let go. It’s unnatural. You belong to me. I belong toooo you.
I still use your site everyday for the links because I’m too stupid to remember websites.
November 10th, 2005 at 9:25 pm
Where are you Ed?